Pa pa ra pa pa pa ra pa ra. Pa ra pa pa pa ra pa pa pa paa she sang to me.

We had a gramophone with a handle and mother would take it out sometimes when father was away working. But we didn’t dance I said. That wasn’t something we did.

You’re wrong about that she said.

The radio was playing more finnish tunes but the closer we came to kippofarm the more silent she became. I stopped the engine. She made no sign of wanting to get out of the car.

It was so long ago she said. My poor child. How she suffered. She turned to me.

Did you ever get to know my child she asked and her expression showed no recognition of me as her child. She blinked a 314tear away from her good eye. The other eye was still drooping somewhere halfway down her cheek.

I’m jana I said. Your child. Well one of them.

But I had three children. No you had two children I told her. Twins. Bror and me.

And maria she said. Oh dearie me.

Did you have a child named maria I asked and she nodded. So sad but she was on the side. The kläppi had to be adopted at once. And of all places on earth she ended up in smalånger.

Was that why you came here I asked. I don’t rightly remember she said. But I was meant to marry your father I think.

Was he maria’s father I asked.

No no she said. He didn’t even know maria existed. No one knew that except for me.

Then who was her father I asked trying to make eye contact with her.

She just sat in silence for a while staring straight ahead. When she finally turned her head to look at me her gaze was as clear as the coldwellwater.

That part of the story is not for telling she said very slowly.

I lifted the wheelchair from the trailer and pushed it round to stand at the passenger door. Bror had been clearing the snow. Every step up the veranda had a flaring torch on it. I helped mother to the wheelchair. She seemed to have grown heavier. Or perhaps all the stiffening energy had leached out of her. I’m cold she said. Nurse hurry so we get into the warmth.

Bror had come out on the veranda. I could just see angelika a bit behind him. 315

They had brought lukas in from the kennel. He made his way outside between bror and the door and jumped up on mother’s knee to say hello.

It’s that lukas she said. Fancy him still being alive. He must be thirtyfive if he’s a day.

She stroked his head. He licked her dead hand.

Bror pushed mother into the bestroom. She couldn’t see enough of it.