The paintings demanded my attention. Shouted after me as I passed them. I didn’t feel up to confronting them. I wanted to drive home to smalånger and make myself a pot of tea. Digest diana’s parents. Perhaps even turn them into clay figures.

As your hands work the clay they create images of defeat john had said. That’s why your figures look so real. What they say counts for nothing. Denial is useless.

He was behind me. I picked up his smell where I stood in the sea of people and watched myself being dragged down to the bottom. He stood close to me. Warmed my body that had chilled and stiffened in the encounter with diana’s parents. Click. Someone had taken a photo. We both turned towards the camera. Another click. Someone asked for my name. I didn’t reply.

Seems you’re a celebrity now I said. 299

No way he said. You don’t get instant celebrity status because you’ve painted a few pictures. Have you seen the whole exhibition.

No I said. I haven’t got the energy. It must wait for another day.

There’s one painting I would especially like to show you. You have never seen it. It is of.

I interrupted him. No don’t. I said. I don’t want to.

He took a step back.

Then I remembered that I had brought him a present. I had wrapped it in tissue paper and written something for him on a card. I scrabbled in my shoulderbag. Found it and handed it to him. Here you are it’s for you I said. Why don’t you look at it later.

Aren’t you happy for my sake he asked. Of course I am. You know that. But it’s just that.

I know he said. Diana’s parents. I’ve just met them.

Presumably she had lots of lovely things to say about your art.

She did actually. I thought they seemed nice. He is an art dealer but perhaps you knew that already. We’ll go to their home for dinner afterwards.

Did you say yes to the invite.

Yes. But that was arranged quite some time ago he said. Surely you’re coming.

No I said. I’m not invited. Diana asked me to stay the night at her place. It seems the idea was for me to hang out in a pizzeria until the dinner party in your honour is finished.

She probably didn’t think that far ahead he said.

It’s possible I replied. I was already on my way out. I heard him call me. It was not an appeal to make me stay. His voice carried other overtones.

Outside the frost had started to bite. I scraped the ice of the 300windscreen with a cd cover. The cold made my fingertips ache. I had left my woolly hat in the cloakroom.