Come with me I said. I’ll help you to get away from here. You’re in the wrong place. I gave him my hand to hold on to. His long yellow nails dug into my palm. I pulled him along. 264We had to hurry. To leave gehenna you had to get to the other side of the rubbish dump. He was limping on his prosthetic leg. Whimpered and wanted to stop. He saw that the midden below him was moving with billions of worms twisting and labouring together.

Don’t look down I said to him. Look towards the light.

We walked towards the light. Our feet were gliding over the rubbish. Finally we reached the exit. Fresh air flowed into our lungs.

He let go of my hand. He was crying again standing with the light behind him with his arms along his sides. I was to blame he said. I could have saved her. I was drunk and didn’t even notice that she was giving birth. During the labour they both died.

When I came to again I was in a hospital ward. A couple of days had passed. Tubes sprouted from my arm and groin like bloodsucking leeches.

Thirst had woken me. Could I have something to drink. I spotted a washbasin a bit away. Tried to get up. A nurse came in. She pushed me back and fetched water in a plastic mug. I swallowed a few mouthfuls and threw up on her arm.

She cleaned me with baby wipes and asked me questions. Did I know my name. Jana.

Did I know where I was. In the valley of the shadow of death.

She smiled faintly. I’d say you’re out of that by now she said. You came in with both neuropathic fever and bilateral pneumonia but now you’re through the crisis.

Later I fell asleep again. I didn’t dream. The next time I woke it was dark outside. The only faint light in my room came from a small lamp in a corner.

Someone was sitting in the armchair by my bed. Someone who had fallen asleep. Her blond hair hung over the armrest. 265She didn’t wake and turn towards me but I knew who she was. She shifted position a little. Saliva dribbled from the corner of her mouth. Still asleep she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Scratched her forehead and slept on.

It was a moment of grace. Just like the moment when she was born.

The intense emotion that filled me was the same as then. The same gratitude. The mind recognised no present time and no future only an immediate now.

The armchair was too far away for me to reach out and touch her. I wanted to let my finger run along her eyebrows. Recall the contours of her lips. I lay on my side scrutinising my newborn child. She was perfect.