The woman didn’t reply. Just sat down with her eyes fixed on nothing in particular.

It was the same nothingness that bror used to see.

She ruined everything she said speaking quietly.

Maybe because she didn’t want the old lady to hear her.

She made men lose their heads she said. Got them to dance to her tune. They would do anything. Some even shot themselves. The latest one just the other day I gather.

Do you mean allanberg I asked.

Yes I do. Poor sod. She turned his head as well. Apparently made him leave her all he had in his will. Still, she’s buried deep by now. Where she belongs.

I didn’t want to hear anymore but I still did want to know.

I don’t quite get this I said innocently. I don’t know about these people who’ve taken their lives. Except for allanberg that is and he was an old man with cancer. About to die soon which 255could’ve been the reason he shot himself. To escape the suffering I mean.

Nonsense she said sharply scattering saliva. Nonsense. He couldn’t bear the grief of her going. Just like kristerhansson evertlindqvist and sunestolt. And.

She stopped and then continued.

Like everyone who took it hard. But who didn’t go as far as dying by their own hand.

What about them I asked. You speak as if I’m supposed to know what it’s all about. I never knew maria. Until quite recently I didn’t even know we had a sister.

I’m sorry the woman said. My name is sonja she added and held out her hand.

We shook hands. Hers was cold and hard. Her glasses and short curly hair made her look older than she was. As did the gloomy furrows in her face from the corners of her mouth to her chin.

The evening was clear and cold with bright stars. I drove slowly downhill towards kippofarm. I had collected lukas from göranbäckström’s dog kennel.

Parked the car in the garage and went to get logs for the boiler.

A day without heating had chilled the large house. I kept my coat and boots on when I made tea. For supper I had tinned spaghetti bolognese eaten cold with a spoon from a small plastic dish. I shared half and half with lukas.

My promises nagged my mind even though I knew I shouldn’t let them. John could stay where he was holed up in the old cottage. No harm done probably.

I weighed risks against benefits. The risks of going to him were considerable and the benefits limited. It wasn’t a sense of 256responsibility that drove me. Rather that I wanted to keep my back free in case he lost it. Since I had said I would come I’d better set out.