Villagers came thundering up the stairs. They were talking in loud voices. Urging john to think again.

How typical that petra didn’t call the police after all. Getting the authorities involved was something to be avoided unless it was an absolute crisis. This case was not critical enough. She protected her father.

Get out john said. We haven’t finished talking yet.

Jana are you allright petra shouted.

I’m allright I shouted back so everyone could hear. You can go home. We just want to talk for a little longer.

You’ve got an hour göranbäckström said. Then we’ll come for you.

They went back downstairs. It creaked just as it does in our house. We heard the door shut.

I’m tired I said. Exterminate me if that’s what you want. I can’t carry on. It was not an unfamiliar feeling. It meant that I had nothing left to lose.

Come with me he said. Lie down in the backkitchen.

Just wanted a little rest. It had been a long day. A codependent day.

I woke only a few minutes later when he came to lie next to me.

How does the stockholm syndrome work I thought. Does one get like that to keep in with the perpetrator or is it something that just grows on you.

You have always had me he said. Don’t ever forget that.

Can it really be true I said. That everybody except me remembers the first time they had sex.

This is how we began he said and pulled my sweater up. I caressed you with my clumsy hands. Your skin was so smooth he said. 222

I pushed his hand away. Out there in the yard some of our neighbours were standing around and petra and perhaps even nicenora in her flowery housecoat.

We stayed still in the pullout bed. Listened for sounds but everything was silent.

Nobody could step on that staircase without making a noise.

I was leaning on my elbow. Watched his profile. With his cleft lip he reminded me of a lion.

The male lion was a weird creature. If he took on a new female he first killed her children.

What happened afterwards I said. After your divorce. Göranbäckström said that you dragged everything you owned into the yard and set fire to it.

He didn’t answer.

We were wasting time on pointless matters. The truth cannot be found in other people’s stories. The question is if it’s to be found anywhere.

I would like to show you something you didn’t know existed he said and the tapeworm stirred at once. But if I’m to take you there we’ll have to walk. And it mightn’t be possible because of that rescue crew of yours waiting in the yard.

John could not be trusted. Any moment he could flip again. I simply had to trust myself.