It was meant to be a jitterbug. I didn’t know how to. I was flung around like a doll held in a hard grip that even my moist palms couldn’t soften. Twirl and backwards. Twirl and forwards 208so that our pelvises touched. We’re doing great he shouted. At the same time he was forcing me round in a failed twirl by wrapping his big leg around my thigh. We crashed into another couple.

When the tune finally ended a neon sign announced it was the men’s dance and before I had time to react he had taken a few quick sidesteps and led me out into the mass of dancing people again. Aren’t you bror’s sis he shouted. We’ve worked together.

And now the next one is for you if you like hugging. A few slow moments ulf&urban’s singer intoned with his stagevoice. Besttrouser tried a new hold and crushed my nose against his shirt buttons.

Don’t look at your feet he shouted encouragingly in my ear. Just follow me. I’m good at leading. The walls flickered past.

Jeanette and another woman maybe eva were pointing at us and laughing. Or maybe I was just feeling spooked. The clinch as we danced had stimulated besttrouser. He had an obvious hardon and smelled of sweat and aftershave. I must have reeked of anguish and hooch.

When itsaheartache stopped at last even besttrouser had had enough but insisted on escorting me back to my wall. Before he left to go to besttrouserworld there was something he wanted to whisper in my ear.

Hey pussycat. If you fancy a fuck just say.

You were so flipping hot together jeanette shouted and pulled me by the arm towards the entrance. Come on it’s time for a fag and a drink or three.

We went outside into the parking lot. Jeanette took a swig from the pocketflask she kept tucked away in her handbag. I drank in the cold wintry air. Silent snowflakes left damp stains on my blouse. 209

Have some she said. A drink will make dancing come more easily. You mustn’t be so uptight. Just hang on to whoever is leading and you’ll get there. But mind how you go with martinpilkvist.

What about him I asked but jeanette had caught sight of someone she knew and wandered off leaving me alone. I went back inside. We had agreed that I would sleep over at jeanette’s but by now it felt like a bad idea. The night out had only just begun but I already wanted to go home. I needed peace for a little while so I went down to the toilets. There was a queue for the cubicles. A crowd in front of the mirror. Bottles went from mouth to mouth.

The rotunda had banned consumption of alcohol but everywhere drunkenness spoke in its loud monotonous voice. Someone sang. Someone wept. Someone screamed.