I ran to the jeep and drove down to eskilbrännström’s. John had just got home. He smiled when he saw me. Was quite unprepared. I hit him in the face with my fist. He lost his balance and fell against a chair. I grabbed another chair and swung it towards his body. One of its chubby handturned legs cut his head. His hearing aid 178flew across the floor. He hadn’t counted on the power of my fury. He defended himself with his arms. It must have hurt. I hoped it did. I wanted to hurt him. He begged me to stop. I carried on.

You knew you bastard. You had read the letters.

I screamed that I’d kill him and other things.

He got hold of the chair wrung it out of my hands and held my arms down so I couldn’t hit him. I kicked him instead. I wanted to damage him. Not only for diana but for all the secrets he had kept from me. For his lies paintings drinking silence. This is who I was. Longsuffering pliant and obedient until the ultimate limit had been crossed. As it was now.

Calm down he said. Please calm down. He forced his body against mine. Held me so hard I couldn’t wrest myself out of his grip. So I used my heel to stamp on his foot as hard as I could and when his pain response made him relax his hold on me I ran outside. Jumped into the jeep and drove away as fast as I could.

I would burn down her house. Take an axe to her furniture. Knock down the stone on her grave. Everything that had once been katarinakarlssonhansson must go. She was lucky to be dead. But when I tried to open her front door the key seized in the lock and I caved in. Instead of hauling all her possessions out into the yard and throwing them on a bonfire I sat on the veranda and cried. There was no justice. They took my child from me and when I could have had her back a vengeful katarina was next in line to have a go at me.

I dialled voicemail and listened to john’s message. It had been sent last night.

Don’t read the letters before I’ve arrived. Please promise. I’m on my way. Don’t open the letters.

I deleted his message. 179

I texted fredrik. Sorry but you have to fix the rest yourself. Then I went to my bank page and transferred his money back to the account it had come from. Hung the key on the hook by the door and drove home. Bror’s rehab fee had to be managed some other way.

Still in the car I dialled the number diana had given me. My heart was beating so hard I wasn’t sure if I would be able to speak.

Hello someone answered.