If my mouth opened any wider, my jaw would unhinge and fall to the floor. Reading the words of Ava, the dramatic—and I’m pretty sure, psychotic—patient of Dr. Colson is like reading from my own journal—minus the psychotic part, of course. I have strong feelings for Vance, but reading this stirs the darkness in me, and it wants something he isn’t able to give me. Better yet, even if he was able, he’s certainly not willing. He’d think I was insane if he knew what the darkness whispers in my ear. Ava, on the other hand, has someone sitting right in front of her who’s capable of meeting those needs, and the amount of envy I feel for a fictional character is far too strong. While I’m not in therapy trying to get over an ex after doing a lot of crazy shit like Ava, I understand her yearning. I relate to how she wants to communicate her desires, which is why I love books like this. It’s always good to have a female character who isn’t afraid to say how she really feels. She’s not timid and hiding behind her femininity or the judgmental eyes of society like me, she’s harnessing it and wielding it like a sword, cutting through the bullshit and getting to her womanhood. Ava has given in to her darkness. Sure, this character is a bit crazy, but people often confuse intense passion and honesty with being crazy when the subject is a woman.

I’m not sure how to respond to Ava. Every bone in my body wishes what she was saying wasn’t true. I wish I could tell her with confidence that I don’t want her that way, and she’s using me to try to replace Lucas, and there’s nothing more to it than that. But I’d only be lying. I do want her, and the fact that she has seen right through me and recognized the firm-handed Dom at my core is bigger than even she knows. She can see through the façade, and now that my cover has been blown, I don’t want to fake it anymore.

I gasp as I bring my hand to my mouth. There’s no way this therapist is going to give in to this, right? If he did, it’d be so wrong … and it’d be so unbelievably hot.