“Don’t worry, I don't take offense to people not reading my books. They’re not for everyone,” he says, smiling. “I guess the best way for me to describe it is by saying there are layers to sadism. While I enjoy causing pain to my submissives, what makes it truly worth it is knowing that they enjoy it. If I was with someone who didn’t like pain and I hurt them, it would bring me no joy whatsoever. I’d feel terrible. Sadist doesn’t equal sociopath. I enjoy causing pain to people who like experiencing pain. It’s that simple. Make sense?”

My desire to have pain inflicted on me screams to life, because this must be what Nas was talking about when he said he recognized my darkness as something that also resides in himself. He’s dark too—a sadist who wants to hurt people who enjoy pain. Oh, my fucking god, he really is a god. That’s why we’ve connected. It’s like we were meant for each other.

I want to worship at his feet while he flogs my back until it’s raw.

“It absolutely makes sense, but good god keep going!” DeShaun chirps with a big grin on his face. He puts his elbows on the table and leans his face into his hands, sending a ripple of laughter over the group.

“Okay,” Nas says behind a chuckle of his own. “The best part about being a Dominant for me—”

“Besides writing about it and making a ton of money,” Juliana says, making Nas laugh again.

“Right … besides that,” he says. “The best part for me is earning someone’s trust. It takes a lot to trust someone so much that you know they won’t take advantage of you when you're at your most vulnerable. How many of you would trust your partner to tie you up to where you literally can’t escape? You're not free until they set you free, that means you have to know for a fact that the person Dominating the scene is completely trustworthy and would never do anything to you that you don’t want done. I like being trusted that way. I love knowing someone so well that they give themselves to me completely, and allows me to push their limits to the extreme without ever going overboard. I enjoy knowing someone’s body so well that I can make them come with very little effort, because I’m not guessing. I know what they want, I know what they love, and I want to make them earn it. Again, it’s not the lifestyle for everyone, but it’s the only way I want to exist. It’s the only way I know how to. Anything else would just be me living a lie.”

“Damn, that’s deep,” Shay says, staring at Nas like she’s stunned by his existence, and I am completely mesmerized.