“It does hurt, but … I don't know. When it comes to sex, pain isn’t a bad thing,” I try to explain, although I know only those who’ve experienced it will really understand. Everyone else will think it’s abuse, which is why I still choose to tread lightly with how much I divulge. “Pain, when done correctly, enhances your senses. It’s like a shock to the system at a time when your body is already sensitive. Your nerves are already maxed out, but then the slap pushes them past their limit for a second. You really won’t get it until you experience it, and I can’t explain it in a way that everyone will understand.”

“I’ve been slapped before,” Juliana admits with a shrug. “But what’s with the choking until you're about to pass out. I mean … that’s deep, Alina.”

I let out a dissatisfied sigh, because the more they judge, the angrier I get, which awakens the darkness.

I’m tired of hiding from people’s judgment—people who don't experience pleasure on the scale I do. Maybe if everyone removed the stick from their ass, they would come harder and be happier. How dare they judge me for doing what I want? What secrets are in their fucking closets?

“It’s not that deep,” I answer as our drinks are dropped off and I grab mine swiftly to take a swig. I need it to keep the darkness quiet. “Having your oxygen supply cut off while you're riding the biggest cock you’ve ever felt is just … I don't even know. It was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. The combination of good dick, being slapped, and the intense sensation of not being able to breathe all at the same time—it was like skydiving for the first time and having an orgasm the entire way down. Again, you just have to experience it for yourself.”

My words are meant to be calm and teaching, but they come out tense as I grit my teeth. These are my friends, so being judged by them hurts in a way that is hard to hide, but I pinch my lips together and hope that the mood will stay light, while I fight away the dark.

“Shit, I might have to do it,” DeShaun says, giggling. “You make it sound so fun!”

I smile at DeShaun, thankful he’s as awesome as he is.

“It is fun!” I say, to which Shay shakes her head.

“Nah, I’m good,” she says. “How the hell do you trust him to not choke you to death?”

Oh, the thought of being choked into oblivion is so mouthwatering.

I shrug. “I don't know. He's the experienced one. I’m like a new student trying to learn from the master, and I just trust him.”

“Girl, you are insane,” Shay says, laughing as she sips her Grand Coconut Margarita.