Juliana scoffs before releasing another frustrated sigh. “I don’t know how many different ways I can tell you it’s not like that. Any man—a doctor, an astronaut, the fucking president—would be lucky to have you, Alina. That’s why we’ve always said that Vance didn’t deserve you. We just want to make sure Nas does. You’ve pulled away from us, you’re showing up late to work—changing clothes in the parking lot and shit—and you’re risking your career by hooking up with him while you’re on assignment. You’ve jumped in head-first, and I know you’re feeling great, but this isn’t like you.”

“Yes, it is,” I blurt out. I’m not even sure I’m thinking straight anymore. I’m just annoyed, and that annoyance is taking the lead. “Maybe I’ve always wanted to be this way, but I couldn’t because I was dating Vance and I was so worried about what everyone else would think. The difference now is that I don’t care what anyone thinks. This is who I am, and you guys have always made fun of me for being the kinky one. Well, I’m embracing it with someone who accepts me.”

“We’ve always accepted you. You’re our friend! Have we not made that clear?”

Nas stirs again, and I pinch my lips together, my frustration getting the best of me.

“It was clear until now,” I say. A million thoughts and emotions pop into my head, making everything feel foggy. I don’t even want to talk anymore. I’d rather be asleep next to Nas than deal with this.

The phone goes quiet, both of us doing nothing but breathing like teenagers who’ve run out of topics to discuss but refuse to hang up. I squeeze the bridge of my nose as a headache comes to life, and I can imagine Juliana is doing the same thing. I don’t know how I expected this conversation to go, but it wasn’t like this. All of the post-orgasm clarity I had has disintegrated, and my muscles are tight. I’m not used to conversations with Juliana causing me so much tension, but I guess this is where we are. At least I have Nas to loosen me up again later.

“Alina,” Juliana says after a full minute of nothingness. “I have to go to bed, but can I make a request?”

“Sure,” I answer, struggling to keep from rolling my eyes.

“Don’t push us away, okay?” she says. “I know you’re happy, and I don’t want to rain on your parade. Just know that we love you … I love you, and I’ll always be here when you need me. Okay?”