My stomach explodes in a flurry of butterflies that feel as big as bats. I want to get up and dance around the room like a leprechaun in pure joy, but I keep it inside as I finally turn around to face Nas. He looks me in the eye, and for the first time since we met, I see it. He lets his guard down and looks at me like he’s seeing me for the very first time. I can read how he feels on every pore of his face. I can feel it in the subtle smile he gives me. I don’t need shackles around my ankles or fingers around my throat to feel it, because the look on his face tells me everything. Right here and now, Nas finally lets me in.

“It's more than okay,” I tell him as I gently place a hand on his cheek and smile. “It’s perfect.”

“You’re perfect,” Nas replies.

My smile reaches my eyes just as a single tear slides down my cheek. “We’re perfect.”

* * *

“Girl, do you know what time it is?”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” I reply, whispering as I sit on the bottom step of the entryway to the Kingdom. The doors are open, and I can see Nas still asleep at the far end of the room, his torso uncovered. “I was just thinking about you. We haven't been talking as much lately.”

“Well, you’ve been busy with your author,” Juliana replies. I can hear her shuffling around in her bed, probably laying down seeing as how it’s past midnight. “I’ve had stuff of my own going on, too, so I don't know. What’s up with you that you decided to call me at this hour, when you know we both have work in the morning?”

I sit in silence for a moment, wondering exactly what the answer is. I’m feeling caught up in the whirlpool that has become my life recently, and I guess I just wanted to talk to my best friend, but I can’t seem to find the words to express it.

“Alina? You there?” Juliana asks after I’ve been silent too long. “Where are you right now?”

“Sitting on the steps at Nas’s house, wearing the world’s thinnest little black robe. Nas bought it for me,” I reply, and Alina immediately lets out a loud sigh that sounds like wind gusting into the phone. “What’s that for?”

“What?” Juliana snips.

“That sigh,” I answer, frowning.

“I didn't … I just,” Juliana stammers. “Do you live there now?”

I flinch like she just slapped me. “No. Of course I don't live here now. But if I did, what would that matter?”