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Chapters (61)
  1. COVER
  2. About the Author
  3. Books by Emily Barr
  4. DEDICATION
  5. Prologue
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. 12
  18. 13
  19. 14
  20. 15
  21. 16
  22. 17
  23. 18
  24. 19
  25. 20
  26. 21
  27. 22
  28. 23
  29. 24
  30. 25
  31. 26
  32. 27
  33. 28
  34. 29
  35. 30
  36. 31
  37. 32
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. 37
  43. 38
  44. 39
  45. 40
  46. 41
  47. 42
  48. 43
  49. 44
  50. 45
  51. 46
  52. 47
  53. 48
  54. 49
  55. 50
  56. 51
  57. Epilogue
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Read on for an extract from …
  60. 12 December
  61. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

I scrolled through Abby’s Facebook photos and let him look at the girls for as long as he could. It turned out that all Joe wanted to do was gaze at these pictures. He didn’t care what Facebook was, or privacy settings. He only wanted to see his brother, grown up, and his unknown sister-in-law, Abby, the woman he’d never met, the woman who must have known him only as someone who was lost. Most of all, though, he wanted to see the girls. He was desperate to look at them. He would have gazed at their little faces forever.

‘Ariel …’ he said, just as we knew our time was coming to an end. ‘This sounds weird, but can you print these pictures? Could we keep them in here? Can I look at them? I know I can’t see the girls in real life, but if I could just … if I could just …’

He stopped, overwhelmed.

‘Sure,’ I said. ‘I can sort that out. I’ll do it at school. I think I’ve got some more print credits.’

I was saying anything just to keep talking. Actually I realized at once that I wouldn’t print out photos of children and stick them up here because it would be incredibly strange and inappropriate, and also Joe probably wouldn’t be able to see them. ‘And tomorrow tell me absolutely everything that might be useful. Can you make notes about everyone you see at school?’

I watched him draw in a deep breath and look at the door. Then he was gone.

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18

It’s the weirdest thing to wake up half knowing something that is impossible. There’s a piece of paper beside the bed with a message about the cupboard at Beachview and a girl from the future called Ariel, but I already know it. It stayed in my head.

It stayed in my head! That is new. I’m sure it’s new. I know that I’ll go there after school, and I know that I have lived this day thousands of times, and I will do it again today and again tomorrow, if there is really any concept of a tomorrow.

I know that I must be dead. It’s a fucker of a thing to find out about yourself. I stagger into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I think of Ariel and fill my head with the blue of the sky.

There it is. I’m glowing bright blue. She was right.

Dad shouts up to me. I manage to half fall down the stairs and say goodbye. I know that this is going to be the last time he sees me for a very long time. Who am I kidding? He’s never going to see me again. I know that. He doesn’t.

‘I love you, Dad,’ I say, and I hug him. ‘Always remember.’

He steps back and smiles at me.