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Chapters (61)
  1. COVER
  2. About the Author
  3. Books by Emily Barr
  4. DEDICATION
  5. Prologue
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. 12
  18. 13
  19. 14
  20. 15
  21. 16
  22. 17
  23. 18
  24. 19
  25. 20
  26. 21
  27. 22
  28. 23
  29. 24
  30. 25
  31. 26
  32. 27
  33. 28
  34. 29
  35. 30
  36. 31
  37. 32
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. 37
  43. 38
  44. 39
  45. 40
  46. 41
  47. 42
  48. 43
  49. 44
  50. 45
  51. 46
  52. 47
  53. 48
  54. 49
  55. 50
  56. 51
  57. Epilogue
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Read on for an extract from …
  60. 12 December
  61. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

We’ve been through this one before. ‘Yes, please,’ I say. ‘Though I wish she could get here now. I’d really love it if I could see her today, but I know I can’t.’

He looks surprised. ‘She can get here today! Why wouldn’t she? Of course. She’ll head straight home. You know she will.’

I look out of the window, my heart pounding. My fake heart fake pounding.

‘Where is she?’ I say in a mousy little voice.

‘Joe? You remember?’

I shake my head, but I want to answer him, so I say, ‘She’s doing a … yoga course?’

‘That’s right! See? You do know where she is.’

‘Where’s her course again?’

It can’t be India. It can’t be because he just said she could get back today. But if it’s not India …

‘In Reading,’ he says. ‘The last bit of her yoga teacher training. You knew that, mate. She was just away Monday to Friday. We none of us had any idea you’d struggle with it, Jojo. I suppose you do need your mother to wave you off when you’re leaving the country alone for the first time, but you don’t have to go. You really don’t.’

I cannot believe this. I try to breathe (though who cares? It makes no difference. I’m not a human: I’m a copy of a human).

‘I thought she’d gone forever,’ I whisper. ‘I forgot.’

Poor Mum! She goes away for five days and loses her son.

I went through Reading on the train the other day. A plan crystallizes. I can see Lara on the train and then get off at Reading and go and find Mum.

I can find Mum. Tomorrow.

A new feeling sweeps through me. I can see my mum before I die. I haven’t seen her for twenty years and now I know where she is.

We get to Beachview a bit early for my appointment. Dad goes off to the loo. I buy a drink that I don’t want and walk into an angry man and go into the little room quite happily, even though I know Ariel’s not coming today.

I’m going to see Mum. Tomorrow.

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29

‘Where are you going?’ Izzy was standing in front of me, blocking my path on what was, in fact, the one day I wasn’t going to Beachview. So I had a good answer.

‘I’m going to pick some kids up from primary school and babysit them.’

She gave me a sceptical look. ‘You? Seriously?’

‘Seriously. The girls I looked after the other night. Come with me. You’ll see.’

She didn’t look convinced, but started walking with me anyway.