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Chapters (61)
  1. COVER
  2. About the Author
  3. Books by Emily Barr
  4. DEDICATION
  5. Prologue
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. 12
  18. 13
  19. 14
  20. 15
  21. 16
  22. 17
  23. 18
  24. 19
  25. 20
  26. 21
  27. 22
  28. 23
  29. 24
  30. 25
  31. 26
  32. 27
  33. 28
  34. 29
  35. 30
  36. 31
  37. 32
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. 37
  43. 38
  44. 39
  45. 40
  46. 41
  47. 42
  48. 43
  49. 44
  50. 45
  51. 46
  52. 47
  53. 48
  54. 49
  55. 50
  56. 51
  57. Epilogue
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Read on for an extract from …
  60. 12 December
  61. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

‘Yuck. I ate the chips. Threw the burger away. Enjoyed the milkshake.’ He nods to the scrap of paper in my hand. ‘Which was my undoing.’

‘The great detective has uncovered your secret,’ I say, waving the end of the straw wrapper at him, though my heart isn’t in it.

‘We can get you a milkshake now if it’d cheer you up,’ he says carefully. ‘Or a happy meal. A Fish McGuffin or whatever.’

‘Egg McMuffin.’

‘Sure!’

‘No. I mean it’s Egg McMuffin or Fillet-o-Fish. Not Fish McGuffin. I don’t want anything. Thanks, though.’

‘OK. Do you … I don’t know. Do you need some water? Want me to sing a song? Or should I shut up? What can I do to help you the most?’ He puts his hand on mine and the car swerves, so he takes it away and shouts, ‘Sorry, mate!’ out of the window.

I love my dad. There’s no one like him. He must have had a terrible time when Mum left, but I’m pretty sure he never showed so much as a glum face to me and Gus.

I think about Mum. I wish I had a phone like Ariel’s so I could look at photos of her. That would be cool, to be able to look at any picture I want any time. To swipe through them in that casual way.

I don’t remember Mum leaving. I just know that I haven’t seen her for ages.

When I realize where this clinic is, all my optimism is flushed down the toilet like the shit it is. Where else could it possibly be but round the back of Beachview? And what else could Dad possibly say but, ‘We’ve got half an hour or so. Shall we go in?’ And of course he goes off to the loo, leaving me to buy us both a Coke, and of course I walk into some angry man and then go in. I don’t want to, but I do it anyway. My legs take me there. Of course, of course, of course.

I can’t even get myself sectioned out of this.

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19

On Thursday I got a text before school.

Hi Ariel! My name’s Abby – I got your flyer about babysitting. Wondering if you could do this Fri? As in tomorrow?! Our babysitter’s ill and we’re a bit stuck. Two girls, 6 & 8. If you’re free maybe you could come over and meet us all, see how you gel? Always seems better if you already know each other. Thanks so much & hope to meet you! Fingers crossed!! Abby

I forced myself to wait until morning break. Then I spent ages making sure my message had the correct breezy tone.