‘Oh, man! What am I meant to do without you?’

That hits me right in the chest. What is Troy meant to do without me? ‘I know,’ I say. ‘Sorry, man.’

He’s going to have to live without me forever.

‘Have you seen my football trophy?’ he says. ‘I can’t have lost it. The moment I win something …’

‘Yes,’ I say, and then the phone rings. I let the answerphone get it, and Gus’s voice blasts into the room.

‘Joe! Joe, I know you’re there. Pick up! Pick up right now!’

I do it because of his tone of voice.

‘Hey,’ he says. ‘I need you. Come and meet me. Emergency.’

‘What kind of emergency?’ I’m already hopping, pulling on one shoe, hoping that my pyjama bottoms will look like crap trousers. ‘And where?’

‘I got hit by a car,’ he says. ‘I’m fine. I mean, I’m alive clearly. But I need you to come and help. They brought me in here, but now they won’t let me leave unless someone picks me up and Dad’s phone’s off.’

‘Where are you?’

I know, though. Of course I do.

‘Beachview.’

The walls close in. The ceiling comes down. Whatever I do, I’m going to end up there. I can’t escape. I have no agency at all. Every road leads to the same place.

At four I’m back at Beachview. I try to go to the emergency doctor’s to pick Gus up to take him home in a taxi, but my legs walk me into an angry man, and then into the cupboard where Ariel is waiting.

21

Joe turned up as usual. I looked at him with sympathy.

‘What did you try today?’

He sighed. ‘Stayed home. I wasn’t going to leave, no matter what.’

‘And?’

‘Gus went to the shop and got hit by a car. I had to go and pick him up from the doctor just over there. I never made it because my legs brought me here instead.’

‘Was Gus OK?’

‘Yeah. He sounded it. And it wasn’t real Gus.’

‘Did you see the angry guy?’

‘He’s always there.’ Joe looked worried. ‘I hope Gus didn’t really get hit by a car.’

‘I’ll see if I can ask him.’

‘Oh my God,’ he said. ‘You could ask him in twenty years!’

We stared at each other and then Joe shook himself.

‘Anyways. Tomorrow I’m going to try the train to London. But now you’re off to look after my nieces!’

‘I sure am,’ I said. ‘So. We’ve got the list of everyone you usually talk to. I’m working my way through it, but there’s nothing that jumps out at the moment apart from Lucas. Have you thought of anyone else?’ I took out my notebook and pen, and looked at him. Joe nodded at the change of tone.