He laughed. ‘That can only have been Gus. Yes, clowning has a very unfair reputation. It’s not just squirting noses and unicycles. It’s not It. It’s not Ronald McDonald. No, the origins of clowning …’

You told me to ask him, I said to Joe in my head. And I did.

I heard Joe saying: Thanks, Ariel. I knew you would.

After the service we all went to the pub by the beach for the wake, and I drank some lemonade and then some wine. Sasha and Jai took Raffy home, and Izzy drifted off to meet Betsy. Joe’s old schoolfriends set off on a pub crawl, and I realized that I was in danger of being the only non-family person left.

I crossed the road, walked out on to the dark sand and stared at the sky. The evening air was harsh on my face. It was a clear, starry night, and the waves were breaking gently in front of me. I took my shoes off and went to stand in the freezing shallow water.

I was pretty sure that the bright star in front of me was Venus.

I stared at it. I looked at the edges of it, where the cloud tops might be.

‘Wait for me, Joe,’ I said. ‘Wait for me, Mum. I’ll see you right there.’

I drew in a deep breath of night-time sea air. I held it. The water was icy cold around my feet. The moment was perfect.

‘Hi.’

I looked round, and there he was. I smiled at him. Joe had come back one last time.

‘Hey there.’ I wondered how he’d done it.

‘Hey, yourself.’ As he said it, he settled into being not-quite-Joe. He was a bit older than him, and his face wasn’t exactly the same.

He was the cousin.

I smiled and tried not to be disappointed.

‘Oh,’ I said. ‘You looked like someone else for a moment.’

‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I’m Max Simpson. Joe’s cousin, I guess. You’re Ariel, aren’t you? You’re the girl who found him.’

I walked back towards him with a smile.

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Yes. I am. The girl who found him.’

‘Want a drink?’ He was holding a bottle of wine. I took a swig.

‘Thanks,’ I said.

We sat on a rock together, me and this boy who wasn’t my Joe. This boy who was alive. His arm brushed against mine. And something changed.

Epilogue

19 November 2019

I was walking to college early on the morning before my seventeenth birthday when I realized someone I didn’t know was walking next to me. She was a woman in her twenties, with very long, tangled hair, and I thought she was wearing a hospital gown under her coat. She looked like a mermaid, but with legs and odd clothes.

‘’Scuse me,’ she said.