I look at the door. ‘Did you really stand out there and not come in?’ She nods. ‘How many times?’

‘Well,’ she says, smiling, ‘I’d say several.’

‘Several?’ I raise my eyebrows. ‘That many?’

I look into her eyes for a long time. This is the antidote to when I did the same thing to Leo earlier because this time I see total understanding.

‘I’m scared,’ I manage to say. This all feels so real. ‘Because if we do it, and if it works, then … what if it’s nothing? What if Leo’s nowhere? What if you go on to … oblivion?’

41

There was a spring in my step as I diverted my route home to take in the house where Joe said Troy used to live. On the way I stopped on top of a hill and let the salty air hit me in the face.

Joe had come to find me. That made me completely, uncomplicatedly happy. I had missed him so much. His face in my world made me feel I could do anything, and now I was going to do this.

I thought about Leo Chatterjee and wondered where he was now. Maybe it was nothing, like Joe had said. Perhaps he’d vanished into nothingness forever.

I had to believe that he hadn’t. Joe wouldn’t have a consciousness now if we were switched off at death. I had to believe there was something else, a place where Joe would, one day, meet my mother, and where, sometime in the deep future, I’d join them.

Plus, Joe was scared that there was oblivion ahead. So what? So was everyone. That fear was a part of being human. It meant he was still real.

I rang the doorbell three times and stood there longer than you usually would, but nothing happened. I walked down the road to a little park with a bench in it and wrote a note on a piece of paper torn from a notebook.

It was strange how easy it was to slip back into this.

Hi, I wrote. Mr and Mrs Henry. Sorry to disturb you, but I’m wondering if you could help with something for an article about Joe Simpson. My name’s Ariel Brown. We’re doing a feature about Joe and we’re trying to talk to as many people as possible who knew him. I know it was very difficult for Troy, and that he lives abroad now, but I’d love to talk to either of you if possible.

I added my email and phone number, though I knew that, even if they did still live here, they wouldn’t call or message. Then I went back to put it through the letterbox, and as I was reaching out to do so the door opened and a man came out.