‘I haven’t been to school much lately. I might go, though. Maybe we could see each other.’

Ariel grins. It lifts my heart. ‘Let’s try it! Why don’t you go tomorrow, and I will too, and we’ll see if we can meet? Let’s go in early. You know the geography corridor? Second floor?’

‘My tutor room’s up there.’

‘Perfect. Meet there at eight twenty? It might work.’

‘Yes,’ I say. ‘Let’s try it. It’s a date.’

We grin at each other. The word date sparkles in the air between is. I can almost see it there, hanging in the stillness as we both hold our breath. D-A-T-E.

I have a date with Ariel, outside this cupboard. It may be taking place on the geography corridor, but it’s a date nonetheless, and I’m grinning stupidly when the door opens and everything goes blank.

27

I got up at half past six, had a shower, ate a big breakfast and left a note for Sasha:

Gone to school early. Coursework project. Remembered at midnight x

She’d be pleased with that: it was exactly the kind of thing that she wanted me to do. I used to be conscientious about my work and always do it as well as I could, right on time. Now I was more distracted than ever. I didn’t care what grades I got this summer as long as it was enough to get me into sixth form, and even then I couldn’t bring myself to be that worried about it because I was pretty sure the college would take me anyway, and Joe was more important. If it was a choice between getting the best possible grades and saving someone I cared for, with every atom of my being, from being trapped in an abyss outside of time and space I knew what I had to do.

I texted Izzy and told her I was going in early to do some work. She replied k, which meant she was annoyed, but I’d make it up to her at school.

We always walked there together. She had listened to me for the past few years and, now that I was coming through the grief, I was hearing more about her own stuff too. I loved it when she talked about her home, which was happy and normal, and made me feel warm inside.