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Chapters (61)
  1. COVER
  2. About the Author
  3. Books by Emily Barr
  4. DEDICATION
  5. Prologue
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. 12
  18. 13
  19. 14
  20. 15
  21. 16
  22. 17
  23. 18
  24. 19
  25. 20
  26. 21
  27. 22
  28. 23
  29. 24
  30. 25
  31. 26
  32. 27
  33. 28
  34. 29
  35. 30
  36. 31
  37. 32
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. 37
  43. 38
  44. 39
  45. 40
  46. 41
  47. 42
  48. 43
  49. 44
  50. 45
  51. 46
  52. 47
  53. 48
  54. 49
  55. 50
  56. 51
  57. Epilogue
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Read on for an extract from …
  60. 12 December
  61. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

I roll my eyes and walk off. Then I turn back and say, ‘Thank fuck,’ in a way that’s just quiet enough for him to wonder whether he heard properly, and then I burrow into the crowd. Lucas isn’t in any of my Thursday classes, so I probably won’t see him again today, and that means I’ll be spared his company until I come back from France.

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3

We would have been able to keep Dad’s departure secret for much longer if he hadn’t written that email. As it was we didn’t even make it through the first day. During my last lesson (physics) two students came in. One of them handed a piece of paper to Mr Dean and the other sat down and joined the lesson. I was trying really hard to concentrate on atomic structure. I was proving (to myself, to Sasha, to the world) that I would manage in a household of two teenagers and a foetus. I had to show them that I wouldn’t, wouldn’t, wouldn’t be better off in care. Right now that meant mastering isotopes.

Someone left the room. I looked up to see a boy from Year Nine going out of the door. The other one, a girl I didn’t know, was just sitting there reading a book. It was strange that Mr Dean hadn’t spoken to her or introduced her as new to the class.

I turned back to the isotopes but it was hard to concentrate. My mind wandered. We had no parents left at home. Sasha was my anchor and I had to be hers. We both had the baby, but that felt like a lot of pressure to put on someone who was only half gestated; who was, we’d only just discovered, a tiny little boy.

I thought I could tether myself with mass numbers, but I kept thinking of Mum, and of how excited she would have been about her grandson, and how furious with Dad. I was wondering whether I could will her back to life with the power of my longing, because I needed her so much, when Mr Dean said, ‘Ariel? Could you pop along to the office?’ He checked the clock. ‘You may as well take your things.’

He put the piece of paper down on his table and gave me a sympathetic look. Everyone knew that Ariel has been through a hard time this year.

I glanced at Izzy and she patted my leg. I stopped caring about electrons. I needed to speak to Sasha right now to check whether school had called her. We had to get our stories straight.