He stops. ‘None of that matters. It doesn’t matter at all. That wasn’t even your question, Ariel.’ He turns to her. ‘OK. Why do I have that trophy? It took me a long, long time to get past the fact that my best mate and I had parted on bad terms, and to accept that it was going to be forever. I had a lot of therapy. A lot. I moved schools, and when I could I emigrated. France felt right because it was such a part of your last weeks, Joe. I met Amélie there and everything fell into place. When we had a boy, he had to be Joseph.’

He says it again in the French way, ‘Joseph. I’ve been a French citizen for years. But I couldn’t have done any of that without finding just enough peace to get me through.

‘It was a counsellor who suggested I should find a replacement trophy, years and years ago. Maybe when I was about twenty? Mum helped me track one down that was exactly the same. I gave it to myself, from you, and it put that side of things to bed for me. It worked. I had it again and I knew that you would have given it back to me. It let me move on. It sounds like shite, but it did actually work.’

‘It doesn’t sound like shite,’ says Ariel, through tears. I can’t speak so I just nod in agreement.

The door opens and, even though this is the last thing in the world I want to happen, everything goes blank.

47

Joe had gone and I was in the secret room with Troy. It felt weird, just the two of us. The dynamic was different and unsettling. I edged away. Troy didn’t notice.

‘Where is he?’

‘He always goes at this time. The time of his death, we think. You can see him again tomorrow.’ I explained the way it worked and he seemed to calm down a bit. He closed his eyes and, when he opened them, looked around as if he thought Joe might have come back.

‘This is … well, I’m glad I came. Did that really happen?’

‘Whatever “really” means. Yeah. I can’t believe someone else can see him. It’s always been just me. He could see my friend when I brought her in here, but only if I was touching her, and she couldn’t see him. I guess … I don’t know. I always thought I could see him because my mum died, and I needed something too. I needed him and he needed me.’

‘I’ve always needed him,’ said Troy. ‘And maybe he needs me. Maybe he needs me like he needs you. I suppose it depends on what we do now. I feel like we’re almost there.’