BooksBarbecue
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Chapters (61)
  1. COVER
  2. About the Author
  3. Books by Emily Barr
  4. DEDICATION
  5. Prologue
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. 12
  18. 13
  19. 14
  20. 15
  21. 16
  22. 17
  23. 18
  24. 19
  25. 20
  26. 21
  27. 22
  28. 23
  29. 24
  30. 25
  31. 26
  32. 27
  33. 28
  34. 29
  35. 30
  36. 31
  37. 32
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. 37
  43. 38
  44. 39
  45. 40
  46. 41
  47. 42
  48. 43
  49. 44
  50. 45
  51. 46
  52. 47
  53. 48
  54. 49
  55. 50
  56. 51
  57. Epilogue
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Read on for an extract from …
  60. 12 December
  61. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

‘That’s OK,’ she says. ‘No wonder you’re feeling shit. Like, the only thing I’ve got on my side is this: Mum didn’t want to leave us. And she never would have chosen to go. Never. So I guess that makes it better in a way. Do you have a dad?’

I grin. ‘Yeah. He’s great. He used to be a clown, among other things. Now he runs a nursery. He entertains the kids with all his juggling and that.’

‘That’s awesome!’ she says. ‘What nursery? I’m going to need to know about that kind of thing soon.’ She catches my expression. ‘I’m not pregnant,’ she says with a laugh. ‘My sister is.’

I tell her about Bouncers, and we talk about her sister’s baby for a while and then there’s a ping from her pocket, and she checks something and says, ‘Oh, I have to go. I’m glad you were here. This has cheered me right up.’

‘Me too,’ I say. ‘See you in here again maybe?’

She gives me a little wave. ‘I hope so,’ she says. ‘Have fun in France!’

I want to call her back. I want to talk to her more. She’s the only person who’s made me feel real for a long time. I open my mouth to ask for her number, but she’s gone. I walk over to the wall, to see what she wrote there about her dad, but there’s just a picture of a smiley face, which makes no sense, unless there’s some kind of deeper meaning that I’m not getting.

I trace it with my fingertip anyway. It’s just two eyes and a mouth, but Ariel drew them, and she’s the only other person I’ve ever met in here and I really, really want to see her again.

Penguin walking logo

9

I walked away with a spring in my step, smiling at everyone. I’d met a boy and I liked him. That hadn’t happened since before Mum got ill. I met a boy. I liked him. Had he liked me? I hadn’t felt that he didn’t like me. That was a start. I wasn’t great at boy stuff and I didn’t really have a clue.

Still, I was spontaneously smiling for the first time in over a year. Was that OK? I asked Mum in my head. Is it all right if I feel happy for a bit?

I smiled even more, imagining Mum’s delight.

I met a boy, Mum, I whispered as I stepped out of the shopping centre into the sharp wind that was blowing off the sea. I stood still and waited. Although her voice didn’t answer (try as I might, I couldn’t summon her), I felt her glow through the biting wind. I tried to imagine bringing Joe home, if things had been different.