I could smell his cologne, toothpaste and the tea-tree shampoo he used. No, this was real: he really was up and ready to go. And it was 4:52 … 4:53.

My mind caught up. He wasn’t doing this. He couldn’t be.

‘What?’ I said, sitting up. ‘Where?’

‘Don’t worry!’ he said. ‘Everything’s arranged. We’re going, Ariel. I’ll tell you about it in the car.’

I reached for the bedside light, switched it on and looked at him. That manic glint was in his eye. I’d known it would be. He scared me when he was like this. There was no reasoning with him.

‘What about Sasha?’ I asked.

He was wearing a dark blue fleece and his horrible jeans, and there was a bag at his feet. He was serious about this.

‘What about her?’

‘We can’t run away. We –’ I stopped. I knew I wouldn’t be able to say more without crying, and it was a mistake to cry when he was like this. It wound him up.

I’d always managed to avoid these confrontations because Sasha took the heat for me. I swallowed hard as I realized that I was going to have to do a thing I’d never done before. I was going to have to stand up to him.

‘No,’ he said. ‘You’ve got it wrong. We’re not running away. We’re running towards something. A new life. Fresh start. I’ve been wanting to do this for years. You’ve been through enough over the past year, darling. Your sister’s chosen her own path, and that’s up to her. She said she didn’t need us, and that was her call.’

She said she didn’t need you.

I didn’t say that.

She needs me. She needs me very much. She doesn’t have anyone else.

I didn’t say that either. I had never confronted him. That was why I was his favourite.

He saw my paralysis and spoke faster. ‘You need me and I’d never leave you. Never. Sasha’s an adult and she’s made her decision. That has nothing to do with me now. As she said last night, she doesn’t care about my approval and so I don’t care what she does. I’ve got a place to go. A job. A house. A new school for you. We can start again and –’

‘Dad!’ My heart pounded so violently that I thought it was going to knock the house down, but I didn’t speak loudly enough to stop him.

‘– build new lives for ourselves. We deserve to –’

I pulled the duvet up to my chin so he wouldn’t see me trembling. I was so scared of this man. I wasn’t going with him (it was unthinkable) and that meant I needed to do the bravest thing I’d ever done.