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Back Afterlove
Chapters (86)
  1. Title Page
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Love
  4. Before
  5. One
  6. ONE
  7. Two
  8. TWO
  9. Three
  10. THREE
  11. Four
  12. FOUR
  13. Five
  14. FIVE
  15. Six
  16. SIX
  17. Seven
  18. SEVEN
  19. Eight
  20. EIGHT
  21. Nine
  22. NINE
  23. Ten
  24. TEN
  25. Eleven
  26. ELEVEN
  27. After
  28. One
  29. ONE
  30. Two
  31. TWO
  32. Three
  33. THREE
  34. Four
  35. FOUR
  36. Five
  37. FIVE
  38. Six
  39. SIX
  40. Seven
  41. SEVEN
  42. Eight
  43. EIGHT
  44. Nine
  45. NINE
  46. Ten
  47. TEN
  48. Eleven
  49. ELEVEN
  50. Twelve
  51. TWELVE
  52. Thirteen
  53. THIRTEEN
  54. Fourteen
  55. FOURTEEN
  56. Fifteen
  57. FIFTEEN
  58. Sixteen
  59. SIXTEEN
  60. Seventeen
  61. SEVENTEEN
  62. Eighteen
  63. EIGHTEEN
  64. Nineteen
  65. NINETEEN
  66. Twenty
  67. TWENTY
  68. Twenty-One
  69. TWENTY-ONE
  70. Twenty-Two
  71. TWENTY-TWO
  72. Twenty-Three
  73. TWENTY-THREE
  74. Twenty-Four
  75. TWENTY-FOUR
  76. Twenty-Five
  77. TWENTY-FIVE
  78. Twenty-Six
  79. TWENTY-SIX
  80. Twenty-Seven
  81. TWENTY-SEVEN
  82. Twenty-Eight
  83. TWENTY-EIGHT
  84. Eleven Months Later
  85. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  86. Copyright

I cover my mouth and nose with my hand, but it doesn’t help. Sit down, but it doesn’t help. Close my eyes, but it doesn’t help. The seagulls aren’t helping, either, hovering uncomfortably close to the boat like vultures circling a fresh kill. Eventually, one breaks away from the others, swooping down to snatch a crisp out of Dan’s hand and carrying it away in its beak. The response is swift, this sudden roar of shrieks and laughs, which makes the seagulls even more hysterical as I cling on to the railing, sure that I can feel the boat tipping from side to side as everyone runs back and forth across the deck.

I can hear Mr Moreno and the teacher from Roedean telling everyone to calm down as I tighten my grip on the railing and cover my eyes with my other hand. And I can hear Adara asking if I’m OK and focus on the familiar sound of her voice. I can’t speak, everything blurry and out of reach, the deck no longer solid, more like sloshing water beneath my feet as I try not to give into it and let it pull me under.

I find my voice and ask Adara to give me a minute. I retreat to the other end of the boat to put as much distance between me and the engine as possible. It doesn’t help and just as I realise that I won’t be able to swallow back the wave of nausea rushing up my chest much longer, I remember Mr Moreno telling us before we left that seasickness is your brain struggling to understand why it feels like everything is moving while you’re still. Apparently, if you look at the horizon, your brain notes the movement and resets your internal equilibrium. I’m willing to try anything at this point, so I lift my head and focus on Shoreham Power Station.

I hold on to the railing and wait for my brain to do its thing as I watch the shoreline recede in the distance. Nothing happens, though. I still feel wretched, so I reach into the back pocket of my jeans for my phone, half tempted to call my mother and beg her to come get me when, to my surprise, I realise that it’s working. I feel better. Kind of. I still feel like I’m about to chunder, but it’s nowhere near as bad and, after a few minutes, I stop shivering. After a few more, I’ve stopped sweating and my breathing has settled enough that I feel able to stand up straight.