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Chapters (86)
  1. Title Page
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Love
  4. Before
  5. One
  6. ONE
  7. Two
  8. TWO
  9. Three
  10. THREE
  11. Four
  12. FOUR
  13. Five
  14. FIVE
  15. Six
  16. SIX
  17. Seven
  18. SEVEN
  19. Eight
  20. EIGHT
  21. Nine
  22. NINE
  23. Ten
  24. TEN
  25. Eleven
  26. ELEVEN
  27. After
  28. One
  29. ONE
  30. Two
  31. TWO
  32. Three
  33. THREE
  34. Four
  35. FOUR
  36. Five
  37. FIVE
  38. Six
  39. SIX
  40. Seven
  41. SEVEN
  42. Eight
  43. EIGHT
  44. Nine
  45. NINE
  46. Ten
  47. TEN
  48. Eleven
  49. ELEVEN
  50. Twelve
  51. TWELVE
  52. Thirteen
  53. THIRTEEN
  54. Fourteen
  55. FOURTEEN
  56. Fifteen
  57. FIFTEEN
  58. Sixteen
  59. SIXTEEN
  60. Seventeen
  61. SEVENTEEN
  62. Eighteen
  63. EIGHTEEN
  64. Nineteen
  65. NINETEEN
  66. Twenty
  67. TWENTY
  68. Twenty-One
  69. TWENTY-ONE
  70. Twenty-Two
  71. TWENTY-TWO
  72. Twenty-Three
  73. TWENTY-THREE
  74. Twenty-Four
  75. TWENTY-FOUR
  76. Twenty-Five
  77. TWENTY-FIVE
  78. Twenty-Six
  79. TWENTY-SIX
  80. Twenty-Seven
  81. TWENTY-SEVEN
  82. Twenty-Eight
  83. TWENTY-EIGHT
  84. Eleven Months Later
  85. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  86. Copyright

‘Feels like it’s going to snow again,’ Dev says, looking up at the sky as we walk back to the bookshop. But I’m not thinking about that, all I’m thinking about is what she just said and how much it scares me. Scares me more than dying. More than being a grim reaper. More than being stuck here and not being able to see my family or Poppy again. The thought that, one day, I’ll stop looking for them. I won’t check if it’s Rosh when someone passes me in the street with a Studio Ghibli satchel or I won’t have to fight the urge to run when I see a girl ahead of me with red hair.

If all of this – the reaps, hanging out with Dev and Esen in the bookshop – has begun to feel normal without me noticing, what if I don’t notice that, either? What if, one day, I realise that who I was is just a memory, like that framed photo of me in the yellow sari hanging over the sofa in my living room.

A bug trapped in amber.

Ten

images

TEN

As we’re heading back to the bookshop, I see someone coming out of Boots and if my heart hadn’t already stopped on New Years Eve, it would right then. Adara. Adara and Mark, actually, laughing and nudging one another as she peers into the small paper bag she’s holding. When she tells him to shut up, I wonder if he’s teasing her for buying another rose gold eyeshadow palette that looks exactly the same as the four others she has. ‘Who’s that?’ I hear Dev ask, but I don’t look at her, only at Adara. She’s wearing a pale pink hijab that matches her pale pink padded jacket, her eyeliner as sharp as ever, and as she turns to face me, I’m sure she’s wearing the lipstick she bought the day I met Poppy at the wind farm. I smile and wait, but she doesn’t even glance at me as she and Mark pass. The shock of it makes me turn on my heels and watch as she walks away.