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Chapters (86)
  1. Title Page
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Love
  4. Before
  5. One
  6. ONE
  7. Two
  8. TWO
  9. Three
  10. THREE
  11. Four
  12. FOUR
  13. Five
  14. FIVE
  15. Six
  16. SIX
  17. Seven
  18. SEVEN
  19. Eight
  20. EIGHT
  21. Nine
  22. NINE
  23. Ten
  24. TEN
  25. Eleven
  26. ELEVEN
  27. After
  28. One
  29. ONE
  30. Two
  31. TWO
  32. Three
  33. THREE
  34. Four
  35. FOUR
  36. Five
  37. FIVE
  38. Six
  39. SIX
  40. Seven
  41. SEVEN
  42. Eight
  43. EIGHT
  44. Nine
  45. NINE
  46. Ten
  47. TEN
  48. Eleven
  49. ELEVEN
  50. Twelve
  51. TWELVE
  52. Thirteen
  53. THIRTEEN
  54. Fourteen
  55. FOURTEEN
  56. Fifteen
  57. FIFTEEN
  58. Sixteen
  59. SIXTEEN
  60. Seventeen
  61. SEVENTEEN
  62. Eighteen
  63. EIGHTEEN
  64. Nineteen
  65. NINETEEN
  66. Twenty
  67. TWENTY
  68. Twenty-One
  69. TWENTY-ONE
  70. Twenty-Two
  71. TWENTY-TWO
  72. Twenty-Three
  73. TWENTY-THREE
  74. Twenty-Four
  75. TWENTY-FOUR
  76. Twenty-Five
  77. TWENTY-FIVE
  78. Twenty-Six
  79. TWENTY-SIX
  80. Twenty-Seven
  81. TWENTY-SEVEN
  82. Twenty-Eight
  83. TWENTY-EIGHT
  84. Eleven Months Later
  85. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  86. Copyright

‘But it’s more than that, Ash,’ she says and she’s breathless now, her eyes wide and her cheeks flushed. ‘You speak about your family and Adara with such affection, such love, that you made me want that as well. I was so angry with my mum for not taking my side when I wanted to come home after I got kicked out of Wycombe Abbey, but I know now that she was doing what your mum does – she was trying to protect me, because if I’d come home, I would have been on my own most of the time because they’re never here, which would have been no good for me, would it?’ I nod. ‘So while I may never get on with my father, hearing you talk about your mum made me fight for my relationship with her and I’m so grateful.’ She makes sure I’m looking at her, then smiles again, loose and warm. ‘You literally saved my life, Ash.’

‘Pop—’ I start to say and now I’m breathless.

‘No. Listen.’ I’m relieved when she doesn’t let me finish because I honestly don’t know what to say to that. ‘When I say that I love you, Ash, I don’t mean that I love you in the way that I love Basquiat or oat milk lattes, I mean that I love you. All that you are and all that you will be and I can’t wait to find out who that person is.’

I don’t realise that I’m crying until she swipes the tear from my cheek with her thumb then takes my face in her hands, her rings cool but her forehead warm as she presses it to mine. ‘Happy New Year, Ashana Persaud.’

‘Happy New Year, Poppy Morgan.’

Eleven

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ELEVEN

I wait ages for the bus and when it finally arrives, it’s packed. The only seat left is on the top deck next to a guy who has passed out, his mouth open and his cheek to the window, his breath clouding the glass.

Great, I think, plonking down next to him and taking my phone out of the back pocket of my jeans to message my mother and tell her that I’m on the 1A. She calls immediately, obviously not believing me.

‘Ashana, where are you?’

‘On the 1A, Mama.’

‘It’s very loud.’

‘It’s New Year’s Eve. Everyone’s wasted.’

‘Are you?’

‘Of course not.’

Poppy and I shared one beer, which we didn’t even finish. My mother will still check my breath, so I’d better get some chewing gum from the mini-mart before I go home.

‘Call me when you get off the bus,’ she tells me, without her usual gentle tone.

‘Yes, Mama.’

‘No Yes, Mama, Ashana,’ she says, clearly still furious with me. ‘Just make sure you do it.’

‘I will, Mama. I promise.’