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Chapters (86)
  1. Title Page
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Love
  4. Before
  5. One
  6. ONE
  7. Two
  8. TWO
  9. Three
  10. THREE
  11. Four
  12. FOUR
  13. Five
  14. FIVE
  15. Six
  16. SIX
  17. Seven
  18. SEVEN
  19. Eight
  20. EIGHT
  21. Nine
  22. NINE
  23. Ten
  24. TEN
  25. Eleven
  26. ELEVEN
  27. After
  28. One
  29. ONE
  30. Two
  31. TWO
  32. Three
  33. THREE
  34. Four
  35. FOUR
  36. Five
  37. FIVE
  38. Six
  39. SIX
  40. Seven
  41. SEVEN
  42. Eight
  43. EIGHT
  44. Nine
  45. NINE
  46. Ten
  47. TEN
  48. Eleven
  49. ELEVEN
  50. Twelve
  51. TWELVE
  52. Thirteen
  53. THIRTEEN
  54. Fourteen
  55. FOURTEEN
  56. Fifteen
  57. FIFTEEN
  58. Sixteen
  59. SIXTEEN
  60. Seventeen
  61. SEVENTEEN
  62. Eighteen
  63. EIGHTEEN
  64. Nineteen
  65. NINETEEN
  66. Twenty
  67. TWENTY
  68. Twenty-One
  69. TWENTY-ONE
  70. Twenty-Two
  71. TWENTY-TWO
  72. Twenty-Three
  73. TWENTY-THREE
  74. Twenty-Four
  75. TWENTY-FOUR
  76. Twenty-Five
  77. TWENTY-FIVE
  78. Twenty-Six
  79. TWENTY-SIX
  80. Twenty-Seven
  81. TWENTY-SEVEN
  82. Twenty-Eight
  83. TWENTY-EIGHT
  84. Eleven Months Later
  85. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  86. Copyright

‘I really hope you find her,’ she says, then kisses me on the cheek.

‘Me too,’ Esen nods, hands in the pockets of her heavy wool coat.

As I step back from her, she reaches for me, and holds me to her, like Dev just did, kissing the top of my head.

‘You’ll find her,’ she whispers, tucking the words between the strands of my hair. ‘You found each other in life and you found each other in death and you’ll find each other in whatever’s beyond the sea.’

I hug her back – cling to her – the pair of us staying like that for a moment before she eventually lets go.

‘Have a safe journey,’ she says, reaching for her scythe pendant and pressing it between her finger and thumb.

I take mine out of my hoodie and press my lips to it.

When Esen steps back, I nod, my gaze darting between her and Dev.

I don’t know what to say, hoping some wise parting words will come, but they don’t.

So I nod again, then start walking towards Charon, who holds out his hand to me as I mouth Esen’s words over and over, thinking about Poppy, her hair everywhere, waiting for me on a shore somewhere.

We found each other in life.

And we found each other in death.

So I will find you now, whatever’s beyond the sea.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

My mother passed away the day my third book was published. It was painful in so many ways, ways I’m sure I don’t need to recount if you’ve been through it yourself, but losing someone after a prolonged illness is particularly cruel. Not that there’s a ‘right’ way to lose someone you love, of course. Loss is loss. However it happens. The pain is just as keen and the space they leave behind just as unfillable.

But losing someone in pieces is a loss unlike any other. One day my mother could feed herself, and the next she couldn’t. One day she could sit up, and the next she couldn’t. One day she could lift her head, and the next she couldn’t. She went piece by piece until, finally, her heart gave way and that was it.

It’s a pain not everyone knows. Your world divides into Before and After and you become a member of a club that you had no desire to join. I had been a long-time member of that club after losing my father to cancer at sixteen so to do it all again twenty two years later was, frankly, too much.