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Chapters (86)
  1. Title Page
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Love
  4. Before
  5. One
  6. ONE
  7. Two
  8. TWO
  9. Three
  10. THREE
  11. Four
  12. FOUR
  13. Five
  14. FIVE
  15. Six
  16. SIX
  17. Seven
  18. SEVEN
  19. Eight
  20. EIGHT
  21. Nine
  22. NINE
  23. Ten
  24. TEN
  25. Eleven
  26. ELEVEN
  27. After
  28. One
  29. ONE
  30. Two
  31. TWO
  32. Three
  33. THREE
  34. Four
  35. FOUR
  36. Five
  37. FIVE
  38. Six
  39. SIX
  40. Seven
  41. SEVEN
  42. Eight
  43. EIGHT
  44. Nine
  45. NINE
  46. Ten
  47. TEN
  48. Eleven
  49. ELEVEN
  50. Twelve
  51. TWELVE
  52. Thirteen
  53. THIRTEEN
  54. Fourteen
  55. FOURTEEN
  56. Fifteen
  57. FIFTEEN
  58. Sixteen
  59. SIXTEEN
  60. Seventeen
  61. SEVENTEEN
  62. Eighteen
  63. EIGHTEEN
  64. Nineteen
  65. NINETEEN
  66. Twenty
  67. TWENTY
  68. Twenty-One
  69. TWENTY-ONE
  70. Twenty-Two
  71. TWENTY-TWO
  72. Twenty-Three
  73. TWENTY-THREE
  74. Twenty-Four
  75. TWENTY-FOUR
  76. Twenty-Five
  77. TWENTY-FIVE
  78. Twenty-Six
  79. TWENTY-SIX
  80. Twenty-Seven
  81. TWENTY-SEVEN
  82. Twenty-Eight
  83. TWENTY-EIGHT
  84. Eleven Months Later
  85. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  86. Copyright

All I feel is cold.

She jumps down from the counter and when she takes a step towards me, my hand fists in the blanket, pulling it to me as I raise the other to warn her not to come any closer. She takes the hint, but still smiles, ‘Welcome back, Ashana.’

Back where? I almost ask, but I don’t because this is another dream. It has to be. I’m dreaming and I’m going to wake up any moment.

I wait, but nothing happens. My thoughts jump in every direction as it comes screaming back to me.

The broken glass.

The fireworks.

The car, its back wheels spinning and spinning.

Then I’m dizzy again.

‘Where am I?’ My voice sounds weird.

Deeper.

‘How are you feeling, Ashana?’ she asks, the pale skin between her eyebrows creasing as she goes from being pleased to see me to concerned so swiftly that I can’t help but ask myself the same thing.

How am I feeling?

Something’s not right.

Am I in pain?

Should I be in pain?

Did something happen with that car outside the mini-mart?

Maybe I did get hurt.

I thought I was OK – I felt OK – but if I’m injured, why am I here and not at the hospital or at home?

Where even is here?

I look around and realise that I’m in a shop. It’s definitely a shop. OK. I’m in a shop. I feel my thoughts scatter in every direction again and I try to grab at them before they fly away and think of the most obvious explanation.

Maybe I was in shock after what happened outside the mini-mart so she – this girl – and Nish brought me inside so I could catch my breath. But it’s not the mini-mart. It’s too dark. The mini-mart is bright, this unnecessarily aggressive white that makes my eyes hurt if I’m in there for too long. And it’s loud. Nish is always on his phone or watching a film on his laptop behind the counter. Plus, it doesn’t smell the same. The mini-mart has this smell. Orange ice-lollies and the tin of samosas on the counter that Nish’s mother-in-law makes every morning and are sold out by eleven. This place doesn’t smell like that. It smells like an old lady’s living room. Of old paper and dust.