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Chapters (86)
  1. Title Page
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Love
  4. Before
  5. One
  6. ONE
  7. Two
  8. TWO
  9. Three
  10. THREE
  11. Four
  12. FOUR
  13. Five
  14. FIVE
  15. Six
  16. SIX
  17. Seven
  18. SEVEN
  19. Eight
  20. EIGHT
  21. Nine
  22. NINE
  23. Ten
  24. TEN
  25. Eleven
  26. ELEVEN
  27. After
  28. One
  29. ONE
  30. Two
  31. TWO
  32. Three
  33. THREE
  34. Four
  35. FOUR
  36. Five
  37. FIVE
  38. Six
  39. SIX
  40. Seven
  41. SEVEN
  42. Eight
  43. EIGHT
  44. Nine
  45. NINE
  46. Ten
  47. TEN
  48. Eleven
  49. ELEVEN
  50. Twelve
  51. TWELVE
  52. Thirteen
  53. THIRTEEN
  54. Fourteen
  55. FOURTEEN
  56. Fifteen
  57. FIFTEEN
  58. Sixteen
  59. SIXTEEN
  60. Seventeen
  61. SEVENTEEN
  62. Eighteen
  63. EIGHTEEN
  64. Nineteen
  65. NINETEEN
  66. Twenty
  67. TWENTY
  68. Twenty-One
  69. TWENTY-ONE
  70. Twenty-Two
  71. TWENTY-TWO
  72. Twenty-Three
  73. TWENTY-THREE
  74. Twenty-Four
  75. TWENTY-FOUR
  76. Twenty-Five
  77. TWENTY-FIVE
  78. Twenty-Six
  79. TWENTY-SIX
  80. Twenty-Seven
  81. TWENTY-SEVEN
  82. Twenty-Eight
  83. TWENTY-EIGHT
  84. Eleven Months Later
  85. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  86. Copyright

‘You weren’t there, Ash!’ she says, suddenly furious. ‘It was like he was possessed!’

That makes Esen chuckle as well as we sit on the bench, me in the middle.

‘Is this the slide you fell off when you were six?’ Dev asks, pointing at it.

‘Yeah.’ I instinctively reach up to stroke the scar under my chin with my knuckle.

‘Which one is it?’ Dev asks, gesturing at the block of flats towering over us.

‘Sixth one up.’ I point to it. ‘Third one along.’

I’ve wanted to come back here so many times since New Year’s Eve, to just sit on this bench and know that they’re up there. Rosh in our room, her nose in a book. My mother at her sewing machine while my father dozes on the sofa, the remote in his hand, because he won’t go to bed without her. Now – after what happened with Poppy – I’m so glad I didn’t come back because if I’d seen one of them, I don’t think I would have been able to stop myself from running to them and falling into their arms, no doubt scaring the life out of them.

If you pardon the pun.

The kitchen light is on and I smile to myself as I realise that my father actually made it to midnight this year. Before I look away to tell Dev and Esen about his mysterious headaches that only seem to strike when he’s doing something he doesn’t want to do, my mother appears in the window and my whole body stiffens. If they see her as well, they don’t say anything, and sit quietly next to me as I gaze up at her. I’m too far away to see her in any detail, but I know it’s her and I swear she’s looking right at me, as if she knows I’m there.

I don’t dare move, my head spinning as a rush of something that I haven’t felt in such a long time floods through me, starting at my scalp and spilling down to my toes. We stay like that for a while, before she finally turns away from the window. As she does, I see her swipe her cheek with her fingers and I know then that I can go.

That she knows I’m OK.

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When we get to the beach, Charon is waiting for me, the moonlight picking out his wooden boat as it bobs gently on the suddenly still sea. I look at it, saying it again – Just believe that we’re going to the same place – as I turn to Dev and Esen.

Dev doesn’t hesitate, just throws her arms around me and holds me to her for a beat longer than usual before letting me go. When she steps back, she puts her hands on my shoulders and squeezes.