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Chapters (86)
  1. Title Page
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Love
  4. Before
  5. One
  6. ONE
  7. Two
  8. TWO
  9. Three
  10. THREE
  11. Four
  12. FOUR
  13. Five
  14. FIVE
  15. Six
  16. SIX
  17. Seven
  18. SEVEN
  19. Eight
  20. EIGHT
  21. Nine
  22. NINE
  23. Ten
  24. TEN
  25. Eleven
  26. ELEVEN
  27. After
  28. One
  29. ONE
  30. Two
  31. TWO
  32. Three
  33. THREE
  34. Four
  35. FOUR
  36. Five
  37. FIVE
  38. Six
  39. SIX
  40. Seven
  41. SEVEN
  42. Eight
  43. EIGHT
  44. Nine
  45. NINE
  46. Ten
  47. TEN
  48. Eleven
  49. ELEVEN
  50. Twelve
  51. TWELVE
  52. Thirteen
  53. THIRTEEN
  54. Fourteen
  55. FOURTEEN
  56. Fifteen
  57. FIFTEEN
  58. Sixteen
  59. SIXTEEN
  60. Seventeen
  61. SEVENTEEN
  62. Eighteen
  63. EIGHTEEN
  64. Nineteen
  65. NINETEEN
  66. Twenty
  67. TWENTY
  68. Twenty-One
  69. TWENTY-ONE
  70. Twenty-Two
  71. TWENTY-TWO
  72. Twenty-Three
  73. TWENTY-THREE
  74. Twenty-Four
  75. TWENTY-FOUR
  76. Twenty-Five
  77. TWENTY-FIVE
  78. Twenty-Six
  79. TWENTY-SIX
  80. Twenty-Seven
  81. TWENTY-SEVEN
  82. Twenty-Eight
  83. TWENTY-EIGHT
  84. Eleven Months Later
  85. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  86. Copyright

I laugh, assuming she can’t be serious. It’s January. The sea is freezing at the best of times, but it must be heart-stoppingly cold tonight. But then Poppy is on her feet, the pebbles shifting grumpily as she regains her balance. I hear a crackle of static, strands of her hair flying up and staying there for a moment as she pulls off her bobble hat and drops it. Then she’s unwinding her yellow tartan scarf, letting that fall, too, and holy shit, she’s serious.

‘Poppy.’ I blink at her as I watch her unbutton her coat. ‘What are you doing?’

‘What does it look like?’ she says with a mischievous grin.

‘You’re joking, right? You’re not going for a swim now? It’s freezing!’

She shrugs off her coat, not bothering to catch it as it slides off her shoulders, change spilling out of her pockets, disappearing between the pebbles as the coat pools around her feet.

‘Poppy, wait,’ I say as she bends down to unzip her boots then kicks them off.

They land with a splash – one, two – on the pebbles between us.

‘For what, Ash?’ she asks, hooking her finger into her socks and tugging them off as well. But before I can tell her, she gestures at me to get up. ‘Come on. Before I chicken out and change my mind!’

I don’t move, though, just look up from where I’m sitting.

‘What’s wrong?’ she asks with a frown and she genuinely doesn’t understand why I don’t want to do this.

All I can do is laugh. ‘Pops, this is mad.’

‘Please, Ash. Indulge me.’ She holds her hand out, beckoning me with her fingers to take it. ‘I’ve always wanted to go for a swim at night.’

‘Do it in July, then.’

I realise what I’ve said and I want the whole beach to swallow me up.

‘I’m sorry, Pop. I—’

‘It’s OK,’ she interrupts, shaking her head.

It’s not, though.

If it’s true – she has always wanted to go for a swim at night – then this is it, isn’t it?

When else is she going to do it?

So I get to my feet. She cheers as I do, clapping happily as I bend down to unlace my DMs.

‘We’ll only go in for a minute,’ she promises as she watches me take off my socks and tuck them into my boots. ‘Plus, I’m five minutes from home. It’s right there.’ She points up at the road. ‘We’ll go in, see what the moon looks like from underneath, then I’ll go straight home and jump in the shower, I promise.’

I must not look convinced, but she takes my hand and squeezes it. ‘I know you’re scared of open water, but you can swim, right? You’ve swum in the sea before, haven’t you?’