BooksBarbecue
Back With or Without You Save as PDF
Chapters (84)
  1. Chapter one
  2. Chapter two
  3. Chapter three
  4. Chapter four
  5. Chapter five
  6. Chapter six
  7. Chapter seven
  8. Chapter eight
  9. Chapter nine
  10. Chapter ten
  11. Chapter eleven
  12. Chapter twelve
  13. Chapter thirteen
  14. Chapter fourteen
  15. Chapter fifteen
  16. Chapter sixteen
  17. Chapter seventeen
  18. Chapter eighteen
  19. Chapter nineteen
  20. Chapter twenty
  21. Chapter twenty-one
  22. Chapter twenty-two
  23. Chapter twenty-three
  24. Chapter twenty-four
  25. Chapter twenty-five
  26. Chapter twenty-six
  27. Chapter twenty-seven
  28. Chapter twenty-eight
  29. Chapter twenty-nine
  30. Chapter thirty
  31. Chapter thirty-one
  32. Chapter thirty-two
  33. Chapter thirty-three
  34. Chapter thirty-four
  35. Chapter thirty-five
  36. Chapter thirty-six
  37. Chapter thirty-seven
  38. Chapter thirty-eight
  39. Chapter thirty-nine
  40. Chapter forty
  41. Chapter forty-one
  42. Chapter forty-two
  43. Chapter forty-three
  44. Chapter forty-four
  45. Chapter forty-five
  46. Chapter forty-six
  47. Chapter forty-seven
  48. Chapter forty-eight
  49. Chapter forty-nine
  50. Chapter fifty
  51. Chapter fifty-one
  52. Chapter fifty-two
  53. Chapter fifty-three
  54. Chapter fifty-four
  55. Chapter fifty-five
  56. Chapter fifty-six
  57. Chapter fifty-seven
  58. Chapter fifty-eight
  59. Chapter fifty-nine
  60. Chapter sixty
  61. Chapter sixty-one
  62. Chapter sixty-two
  63. Chapter sixty-three
  64. Chapter sixty-four
  65. Chapter sixty-five
  66. Chapter sixty-six
  67. Chapter sixty-seven
  68. Chapter sixty-eight
  69. Chapter sixty-nine
  70. Chapter seventy
  71. Chapter seventy-one
  72. Chapter seventy-two
  73. Chapter seventy-three
  74. Chapter seventy-four
  75. Chapter seventy-five
  76. Chapter seventy-six
  77. Chapter seventy-seven
  78. Chapter seventy-eight
  79. Chapter seventy-nine
  80. Chapter eighty
  81. Chapter eighty-one
  82. Chapter eighty-two
  83. Chapter eighty-three
  84. Chapter eighty-four

‘We can’t always have what we want, Jake.’ My insides are like acid at the thought of hurting him. Why is it easier to have your own heart broken than to break someone else’s? It would be so much easier if I could simply learn to love Jake again, if my feelings for Dean would dissolve without trace, like sugar in tea. But it’s just not going to happen.

Jake forces a brave smile. ‘Aren’t you going to ask me how my day was?’

‘Of course.’

‘I got a great new job,’ Jake says. ‘More responsibility. More pay.’

Less attractive colleagues? I wonder.

‘I thought it would change everything. That this was the new beginning I’d prayed for.’

‘Jake…’

‘You can have anything you want, Lyssa—a flashy car, exotic holidays. An engagement ring. We can move to a bigger house. You can even give up work if you want to. Anything.’

I think of the man who can offer me nothing but his heart.

I reach out and touch Jake’s hand. ‘Jake—’ How can I cause this pain to another human being? ‘The only thing I want from you is friendship.’

Jake pulls away. ‘Don’t ask me to be your friend, Lyssa.’ He stands up and tugs off his frilly apron, which he throws to the floor as he leaves. ‘I love you too much to ever just like you.’

Chapter seventy-nine

Chapter seventy-nine

‘I wish I’d taken up smoking,’ Edie says. ‘I could do with a fag right now.’

I don’t point out that she hasn’t been ‘without child’ long enough to contemplate being a smoker. Instead, I indicate and skirt round an old granny doing two miles an hour in a brand-new Micra. I’m driving up Holywell Hill in my still-dented car and, as an afterthought, we’ve just been to the local petrol station to pick up a bunch of over-priced, gaudy flowers in the hope that they’ll go some way towards placating my mother.