Edie looked up, smiling contentedly. Then suddenly her smile died. The ceiling fan above them whirred lazily, creating a welcome draught of refreshing air. It had been one of Lee’s many DIY bargains from B&Q—an essential for those three giddy days of summer when it was too hot to sleep. Her husband followed her gaze and as his fuddled brain registered what was mesmerising her, they stared at each other with an expression of horror.

‘Oh no,’ Lee said. ‘Oh no.’

‘Oh yes,’ Edie said. ‘Oh yes.’

Hanging on the fan, swishing the air delicately, were her black lacy knickers and, in a blinding flash of clarity, they both remembered exactly how they got there.

Chapter fifty-seven

Chapter fifty-seven

Jake and Pip were queuing up in Bite Me! It was the lunchtime rush and packed as always. The secretaries and the suits shuffled forward to order their salad sandwiches.

‘You’ve looked miserable all morning,’ Pip observed, leaning against the wall.

‘With good reason, mate,’ Jake said. ‘Bloody good reason.’

‘Want to talk about it?’

‘Yeah,’ Jake said. ‘But not in the office.’ What he didn’t want to admit was that he felt like crying. He hadn’t cried since he was six and his mum had put Pindy-Pandy bear in the washing machine and both of its arms had dropped off. And, clearly, this was a rather more serious situation.

‘Let’s go to the bench across the road,’ Pip suggested.

Having ordered and collected their sandwiches, they did just that. The wind whipped down the road, plummeting the temperature with a substantial chill factor. Pip pulled up the collar of his jacket and looked as if he hoped this wouldn’t take long.

‘I take it this is about Neve?’

‘Yep.’

Pip dipped into his brown paper bag of sandwiches and examined the contents before biting into one. ‘So, how did it go when she got home?’

Jake rubbed his chin. ‘I thought it went well. In the circumstances.’

Pip continued munching.

‘I smashed all her Jasper Conran crockery and she told me to fuck off out of her life.’

‘There must have been quite interesting “circumstances”.’

‘Yes,’ Jake said. ‘She is sleeping with Alec—’ he glanced at his shivering friend ‘—but then you already knew that.’

Pip said nothing.

‘I don’t suppose you knew she was pregnant?’

After a sharp intake of breath, Pip said, ‘No, I wasn’t aware of that.’

‘Neither was I until last night.’

‘Bummer,’ Pip said.

‘Double bummer,’ Jake agreed.

His mate looked at him sympathetically. ‘I can hardly bring myself to ask the next question.’

‘Whose baby is it?’ Jake shook his head. ‘That’s the question I’d like answered too.’

Pip raised his eyebrows. ‘She doesn’t know?’

‘Speaks volumes, doesn’t it?’ Jake said sadly.

‘Shit, mate,’ Pip said. ‘What are you going to do?’