BooksBarbecue
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Chapters (84)
  1. Chapter one
  2. Chapter two
  3. Chapter three
  4. Chapter four
  5. Chapter five
  6. Chapter six
  7. Chapter seven
  8. Chapter eight
  9. Chapter nine
  10. Chapter ten
  11. Chapter eleven
  12. Chapter twelve
  13. Chapter thirteen
  14. Chapter fourteen
  15. Chapter fifteen
  16. Chapter sixteen
  17. Chapter seventeen
  18. Chapter eighteen
  19. Chapter nineteen
  20. Chapter twenty
  21. Chapter twenty-one
  22. Chapter twenty-two
  23. Chapter twenty-three
  24. Chapter twenty-four
  25. Chapter twenty-five
  26. Chapter twenty-six
  27. Chapter twenty-seven
  28. Chapter twenty-eight
  29. Chapter twenty-nine
  30. Chapter thirty
  31. Chapter thirty-one
  32. Chapter thirty-two
  33. Chapter thirty-three
  34. Chapter thirty-four
  35. Chapter thirty-five
  36. Chapter thirty-six
  37. Chapter thirty-seven
  38. Chapter thirty-eight
  39. Chapter thirty-nine
  40. Chapter forty
  41. Chapter forty-one
  42. Chapter forty-two
  43. Chapter forty-three
  44. Chapter forty-four
  45. Chapter forty-five
  46. Chapter forty-six
  47. Chapter forty-seven
  48. Chapter forty-eight
  49. Chapter forty-nine
  50. Chapter fifty
  51. Chapter fifty-one
  52. Chapter fifty-two
  53. Chapter fifty-three
  54. Chapter fifty-four
  55. Chapter fifty-five
  56. Chapter fifty-six
  57. Chapter fifty-seven
  58. Chapter fifty-eight
  59. Chapter fifty-nine
  60. Chapter sixty
  61. Chapter sixty-one
  62. Chapter sixty-two
  63. Chapter sixty-three
  64. Chapter sixty-four
  65. Chapter sixty-five
  66. Chapter sixty-six
  67. Chapter sixty-seven
  68. Chapter sixty-eight
  69. Chapter sixty-nine
  70. Chapter seventy
  71. Chapter seventy-one
  72. Chapter seventy-two
  73. Chapter seventy-three
  74. Chapter seventy-four
  75. Chapter seventy-five
  76. Chapter seventy-six
  77. Chapter seventy-seven
  78. Chapter seventy-eight
  79. Chapter seventy-nine
  80. Chapter eighty
  81. Chapter eighty-one
  82. Chapter eighty-two
  83. Chapter eighty-three
  84. Chapter eighty-four

Chapter twenty-one

Chapter twenty-one

Everest looks very high. Even the base camp appears to be a bit of a misnomer. It seems a hell of a way up to me. It also looks as if you need to have very bad taste in clothes to climb to it. In the photograph, they are all wearing serviceable red anoraks and cheery bobble hats. I might want to do something exciting with my life, something that will inspire future boyfriends—if there ever are any—to speak of me with pride. I glance at the expedition brochure again. Trepidation sets in. In a moment of sheer madness, I phoned up an adventure travel company on impulse and requested it. All I wanted to do was have a little look at where Neve was going. Really. Though I now feel it may have been an impulse too far. Do people actually do this sort of thing with their two weeks’ holiday? What happened to the joy of frying yourself on a beach with nothing more taxing than a bit of chick lit to exercise your brain? Why does everyone now have the urge to fill their lives with the exotic, the challenging and the downright dangerous? And even more pertinent—why do I now have the urge to do it?

The answer is that I want to do something that’s going to make people go ‘wow!’. I want them to say, ‘Hey—you know that Lyssa? You’ll never guess what she did right after her boyfriend dumped her.’ I want to do something jawdroppingly awe-inspiring. I just don’t want to do it while wearing an anorak. On the plus side there are a lot of men in the brochure and not many women. Probably because most women would have more sense—particularly dress sense. If a man has enough stamina to go on an expedition like this, it might well mean that he has very frisky sperm. And when it comes down to it, everyone has to take their bobble hats off in bed. Well, they would if they want to get in bed with me.

Things seem to have been moving apace. This is my last day on My Baby. Next Monday morning I will be an employee of My Divorce and the vexed subject of me moving away from my lovely desk has yet to rear its ugly head.

Monica and Charlotte are taking me to lunch to wish me luck and I think I’ll need it a little bit more than they expect. At the other end of the office, I can see them gathering up their bits and pieces and heading towards me. I stuff the brochure with big, high mountains on the cover into my desk drawer and feign innocence as they approach me.

‘Ready?’ Monica says.

And I am.