BooksBarbecue
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Chapters (84)
  1. Chapter one
  2. Chapter two
  3. Chapter three
  4. Chapter four
  5. Chapter five
  6. Chapter six
  7. Chapter seven
  8. Chapter eight
  9. Chapter nine
  10. Chapter ten
  11. Chapter eleven
  12. Chapter twelve
  13. Chapter thirteen
  14. Chapter fourteen
  15. Chapter fifteen
  16. Chapter sixteen
  17. Chapter seventeen
  18. Chapter eighteen
  19. Chapter nineteen
  20. Chapter twenty
  21. Chapter twenty-one
  22. Chapter twenty-two
  23. Chapter twenty-three
  24. Chapter twenty-four
  25. Chapter twenty-five
  26. Chapter twenty-six
  27. Chapter twenty-seven
  28. Chapter twenty-eight
  29. Chapter twenty-nine
  30. Chapter thirty
  31. Chapter thirty-one
  32. Chapter thirty-two
  33. Chapter thirty-three
  34. Chapter thirty-four
  35. Chapter thirty-five
  36. Chapter thirty-six
  37. Chapter thirty-seven
  38. Chapter thirty-eight
  39. Chapter thirty-nine
  40. Chapter forty
  41. Chapter forty-one
  42. Chapter forty-two
  43. Chapter forty-three
  44. Chapter forty-four
  45. Chapter forty-five
  46. Chapter forty-six
  47. Chapter forty-seven
  48. Chapter forty-eight
  49. Chapter forty-nine
  50. Chapter fifty
  51. Chapter fifty-one
  52. Chapter fifty-two
  53. Chapter fifty-three
  54. Chapter fifty-four
  55. Chapter fifty-five
  56. Chapter fifty-six
  57. Chapter fifty-seven
  58. Chapter fifty-eight
  59. Chapter fifty-nine
  60. Chapter sixty
  61. Chapter sixty-one
  62. Chapter sixty-two
  63. Chapter sixty-three
  64. Chapter sixty-four
  65. Chapter sixty-five
  66. Chapter sixty-six
  67. Chapter sixty-seven
  68. Chapter sixty-eight
  69. Chapter sixty-nine
  70. Chapter seventy
  71. Chapter seventy-one
  72. Chapter seventy-two
  73. Chapter seventy-three
  74. Chapter seventy-four
  75. Chapter seventy-five
  76. Chapter seventy-six
  77. Chapter seventy-seven
  78. Chapter seventy-eight
  79. Chapter seventy-nine
  80. Chapter eighty
  81. Chapter eighty-one
  82. Chapter eighty-two
  83. Chapter eighty-three
  84. Chapter eighty-four

Jake didn’t know what to do. He wanted to hit something, very hard. He wanted to say something—something that would make Neve realise what a terrible, terrible thing it was she had done. Instead, he felt himself stagger away. Fury and nausea were rising inside him in equal measures. He couldn’t keep hold of his glass and he felt it slip through his fingers and crash to the floor. Several people turned to stare at him and then moved away from him, allowing him to stumble towards the door. Pictures and faces loomed towards him, all fuzzy and fractured. So this was what fainting felt like? He didn’t think he’d ever done it before.

‘Jake!’ He heard Pip’s concerned voice somewhere in the periphery, but continued to lurch for the entrance. He needed air. Lots of it. And then a gun. A gun would be good. He wanted to shoot that bitch for killing his child. He wanted to murder her as she’d murdered. An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. A life for a life.

As he reached for the door, he could feel the tears start to come and he was gagging—his throat closing, choking. The mini pizza had been a bad, bad idea. Like so much else in his life recently. He crashed out through the crowds waiting to take his place for a chance of cheap champagne and launched himself at the gutter where somebody, it may have been him, was heartily sick. The street lights in Charlotte Street swam by him, blackness was coming and it was going to be lovely. It was going to blank out his brain so that he wouldn’t have to think of dead babies. His dead baby. He let the air rush up and meet him.

Far, far away Pip’s voice saying, ‘Don’t worry, I’ve got you, mate,’ was the last thing he heard.

Chapter sixty-two

Chapter sixty-two

I take off my shoes and sit cross-legged on the floor beside Dean in the dark, low-beamed restaurant and I’m still feeling shaky. All the group are waiting for me and I force a smile as I glance round their beaming faces. They all look a lot more relaxed than when we started out and I wonder what they can read in my face.