BooksBarbecue
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Chapters (84)
  1. Chapter one
  2. Chapter two
  3. Chapter three
  4. Chapter four
  5. Chapter five
  6. Chapter six
  7. Chapter seven
  8. Chapter eight
  9. Chapter nine
  10. Chapter ten
  11. Chapter eleven
  12. Chapter twelve
  13. Chapter thirteen
  14. Chapter fourteen
  15. Chapter fifteen
  16. Chapter sixteen
  17. Chapter seventeen
  18. Chapter eighteen
  19. Chapter nineteen
  20. Chapter twenty
  21. Chapter twenty-one
  22. Chapter twenty-two
  23. Chapter twenty-three
  24. Chapter twenty-four
  25. Chapter twenty-five
  26. Chapter twenty-six
  27. Chapter twenty-seven
  28. Chapter twenty-eight
  29. Chapter twenty-nine
  30. Chapter thirty
  31. Chapter thirty-one
  32. Chapter thirty-two
  33. Chapter thirty-three
  34. Chapter thirty-four
  35. Chapter thirty-five
  36. Chapter thirty-six
  37. Chapter thirty-seven
  38. Chapter thirty-eight
  39. Chapter thirty-nine
  40. Chapter forty
  41. Chapter forty-one
  42. Chapter forty-two
  43. Chapter forty-three
  44. Chapter forty-four
  45. Chapter forty-five
  46. Chapter forty-six
  47. Chapter forty-seven
  48. Chapter forty-eight
  49. Chapter forty-nine
  50. Chapter fifty
  51. Chapter fifty-one
  52. Chapter fifty-two
  53. Chapter fifty-three
  54. Chapter fifty-four
  55. Chapter fifty-five
  56. Chapter fifty-six
  57. Chapter fifty-seven
  58. Chapter fifty-eight
  59. Chapter fifty-nine
  60. Chapter sixty
  61. Chapter sixty-one
  62. Chapter sixty-two
  63. Chapter sixty-three
  64. Chapter sixty-four
  65. Chapter sixty-five
  66. Chapter sixty-six
  67. Chapter sixty-seven
  68. Chapter sixty-eight
  69. Chapter sixty-nine
  70. Chapter seventy
  71. Chapter seventy-one
  72. Chapter seventy-two
  73. Chapter seventy-three
  74. Chapter seventy-four
  75. Chapter seventy-five
  76. Chapter seventy-six
  77. Chapter seventy-seven
  78. Chapter seventy-eight
  79. Chapter seventy-nine
  80. Chapter eighty
  81. Chapter eighty-one
  82. Chapter eighty-two
  83. Chapter eighty-three
  84. Chapter eighty-four

We exit the main doors and step out into the harsh grey light and the biting wind. The ferocity of it takes me aback and I wished I’d pulled my warm fleece out of my rucksack. I try not to shiver in case Jake feels moved to put his arm round me. The freezing air sucks all my breath away. I’d forgotten what a cold place Britain can be. The buildings are all black and white, hard-edged and intimidating, the taxis blasting backwards and forwards, impatient and aggressive. There’s no warm, soft wind laden with exotic scents, no colourful statues of deities and no Dean. Jake heads off across the Zebra crossing to the car park and I trail behind him.

His car is sitting waiting and he throws my bag into the back. I haven’t been in a car in weeks. We squash in next to each other. Everything feels alien and wrong. How long is it going to take me to get back into my life? He crunches the car into gear and we pull out of the car park.

Jake smiles at me in what he clearly thinks is a reassuring manner. ‘Won’t be long before you’re home.’

And if that’s meant to comfort me, it doesn’t. Not one bit.

Chapter sixty-six

Chapter sixty-six

‘We’re here,’ Jake says, just as I open my eyes.

Our journey home has been tense and tortured. There was a massive traffic jam on the M25—as always—and Jake’s attempts to keep up a steady stream of conversation while saying nothing at all of any importance fell on deaf ears. I wanted to ask him what had happened between him and Neve, but simply couldn’t bring myself to summon the necessary emotional energy. Instead, I decided to blank everything by closing my eyes and going to sleep. It seems that I did it rather successfully as we’ve now pulled up outside our neat little house in our neat little street.

Jake looks at me tenderly and I do wish he wouldn’t as I’m really not sure what to make of it. ‘Welcome home,’ he says.

Home. I lever my stiff, travel-weary body out of the car, while Jake fusses with my bag and opens the front door for me. He’s treating me as if I’m pregnant and a shaft of rich pain hits me.

The house seems so strange. Do I really live here? The place I call home seems so unfamiliar to me. I’ve expended so much time and energy over the last few years creating it and cajoling it into being a home, yet now I can’t relate to it at all. It’s fussy and smells of the artificial scent of pine glades from the air-freshening machine plugged into the wall. Why did I want my house to smell of pine glades?