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Back This Time Will Be Different
Chapters (77)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part I
  6. 3
  7. The History of My Beef with Brynn Foer-Preston
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part I
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part I
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part II
  20. 13
  21. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part II
  22. 14
  23. 15
  24. 16
  25. 17
  26. 18
  27. 19
  28. The Complicated History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Imaginary Relationship with Her Nonexistent Dad
  29. 20
  30. 21
  31. 22
  32. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part III
  33. 23
  34. 24
  35. 25
  36. A Brief, Backward History of the McAllister Family, as Paraphrased from the San Jose Mercury News
  37. 26
  38. 27
  39. 28
  40. A Quick and Eerily Relevant History of Asians in America
  41. 29
  42. 30
  43. 31
  44. 32
  45. 33
  46. 34
  47. 35
  48. 36
  49. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part IV
  50. 37
  51. 38
  52. 39
  53. 40
  54. 41
  55. 42
  56. 43
  57. 44
  58. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part II (Or Maybe It’s a Prequel)
  59. 45
  60. 46
  61. 47
  62. 48
  63. 49
  64. 50
  65. 51
  66. 52
  67. 53
  68. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part III
  69. 54
  70. A Note from the Author
  71. Index of Flowers and their Meanings
  72. Acknowledgments
  73. About the Author
  74. Praise for This Time Will Be Different
  75. Books by Misa Sugiura
  76. Back Ad
  77. About the Publisher

It crosses my mind that Brynn was Em’s enemy, too, for a while, and that crystallizes something for me. Emily and I had been best friends for years, but it felt like an important part of our bond was forged in the crucible of eighth grade. I’d stuck with her through one of the most traumatic events of her life, and my rage against Brynn became part of the way I defined my relationship with Emily. Casting myself as her protector was messed up in some of the same ways as Brynn’s white-savior act.

“You didn’t mess up me and Em’s friendship. I did. I could have given you another chance, but I dunno. I guess it was easier to be mad at you.”

“Are you still mad at me?”

I think about it. Can I look past what Brynn did all that time ago? How much do our actions in the past define who we are in the present? And how many of Brynn’s actions, even her legitimate screwups, have I warped with the lens of the past, and of my own resentment? I know the roots of my anger are justified. But can I justify hanging on to them?

“I don’t think so. Not anymore.”

Brynn smiles again, the first real smile I’ve seen on her face today. She actually looks relieved. I can’t believe this. Since when does Brynn Foer-Preston care about what I think of her? For a second I think she might be contemplating hugging it out, and I steel myself to accept her embrace, but instead she wipes her eyes and asks me another question.

“Do you think you could help me with Emily?”

“Ah.” The reason I’m here.

“So apart from the eighth-grade drama, she said she broke up with me because she thinks I’m just using her to get publicity for myself for prom.”

Oh. “Um. I may have given her that idea.”

“Why?” asks Brynn, her voice full of reproach.

I feel a stab of guilt—we’re not enemies anymore, after all. But I don’t think I was wrong. “Aren’t you, though? I mean, are you telling me that you invited the press to cover your whole big promposal so you wouldn’t get publicity for being McAllister’s first lesbian prom queen?”

“Okay, fine. But it’s not just about attention. Visibility is important, CJ. People still don’t see queer couples as normal, so it’s important to show everyone that we are. That we do normal things like become prom queen and make promposals.”

“Yeah, okay. That makes sense.”