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Chapters (77)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part I
  6. 3
  7. The History of My Beef with Brynn Foer-Preston
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part I
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part I
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part II
  20. 13
  21. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part II
  22. 14
  23. 15
  24. 16
  25. 17
  26. 18
  27. 19
  28. The Complicated History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Imaginary Relationship with Her Nonexistent Dad
  29. 20
  30. 21
  31. 22
  32. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part III
  33. 23
  34. 24
  35. 25
  36. A Brief, Backward History of the McAllister Family, as Paraphrased from the San Jose Mercury News
  37. 26
  38. 27
  39. 28
  40. A Quick and Eerily Relevant History of Asians in America
  41. 29
  42. 30
  43. 31
  44. 32
  45. 33
  46. 34
  47. 35
  48. 36
  49. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part IV
  50. 37
  51. 38
  52. 39
  53. 40
  54. 41
  55. 42
  56. 43
  57. 44
  58. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part II (Or Maybe It’s a Prequel)
  59. 45
  60. 46
  61. 47
  62. 48
  63. 49
  64. 50
  65. 51
  66. 52
  67. 53
  68. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part III
  69. 54
  70. A Note from the Author
  71. Index of Flowers and their Meanings
  72. Acknowledgments
  73. About the Author
  74. Praise for This Time Will Be Different
  75. Books by Misa Sugiura
  76. Back Ad
  77. About the Publisher

Mom was a lacrosse star at Princeton back in the day, after trying it out just for fun as a freshman. “You’ve got a great body for it,” she told me as lacrosse season approached in ninth grade. “Give it a try. Come on, Ceej, think positive.”

After two miserable weeks of preseason conditioning, I confessed to her that I was in danger of not making the team. “Then make yourself indispensable,” she responded. I volunteered to be goalie—every team needs a goalie—and made the cut.

Mom came to my first two games. In the first half of the first game, I caught her face-palming after I allowed my third easy goal. By the second half of the game, every time the ball was on our half of the field, I’d glance up and see her face set in a worried frown. She spent most of the next game bent determinedly over her phone. She stopped coming to my games after that.

It was probably a good thing. By the middle of the season, whenever the opposing team got the ball, our coach would shout, “Someone get in the goal with CJ!” and we would play a two-goalie defense. When I announced at the end of the season that I was never going to play lacrosse ever again, Mom didn’t argue. I couldn’t believe my good luck; I’d been expecting her to remind me that Katsuyamas never quit.

Two weeks later, Mom signed me up for a journalism class, and I realized that she hadn’t let me off the hook with lacrosse as I’d thought. She’d just chalked up one more failure to perform as expected and had already begun the hunt for a new activity. At that point, I finally saw my life for what it was—an endless cycle of trying and failing, trying and failing.

I used to try harder when I was young. With every new activity, I did my best to grow into the shape that Mom was so painstakingly pruning me into. But each new defeat wore me down a little bit, and then a little bit more. After that disastrous lacrosse season, I began to give up on becoming the superstar that Mom wanted me to be. Unfortunately, I’m afraid Mom will never give up.

Then again, I’m afraid that she will.

3

AFTER MY POWER WALK WITH MOM, SHE GOES to the office and I drop in at Sweet Emily’s on my way to Heart’s Desire. People travel across town for Sweet Emily’s pastries and coffee—they’re that good. The line often stretches out the door of the café, which Emily’s parents named after her. The chocolate croissants, in particular, sell out fast, but there’s always a few set aside for me. Being best friends with the owners’ daughter has its perks.