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Back This Time Will Be Different Save as PDF
Chapters (77)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part I
  6. 3
  7. The History of My Beef with Brynn Foer-Preston
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part I
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part I
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part II
  20. 13
  21. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part II
  22. 14
  23. 15
  24. 16
  25. 17
  26. 18
  27. 19
  28. The Complicated History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Imaginary Relationship with Her Nonexistent Dad
  29. 20
  30. 21
  31. 22
  32. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part III
  33. 23
  34. 24
  35. 25
  36. A Brief, Backward History of the McAllister Family, as Paraphrased from the San Jose Mercury News
  37. 26
  38. 27
  39. 28
  40. A Quick and Eerily Relevant History of Asians in America
  41. 29
  42. 30
  43. 31
  44. 32
  45. 33
  46. 34
  47. 35
  48. 36
  49. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part IV
  50. 37
  51. 38
  52. 39
  53. 40
  54. 41
  55. 42
  56. 43
  57. 44
  58. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part II (Or Maybe It’s a Prequel)
  59. 45
  60. 46
  61. 47
  62. 48
  63. 49
  64. 50
  65. 51
  66. 52
  67. 53
  68. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part III
  69. 54
  70. A Note from the Author
  71. Index of Flowers and their Meanings
  72. Acknowledgments
  73. About the Author
  74. Praise for This Time Will Be Different
  75. Books by Misa Sugiura
  76. Back Ad
  77. About the Publisher

I don’t know what my face looked like, but I know that Mom looked at me and added quickly, “But that doesn’t matter. Because I chose to have you without him. You don’t need a dad to be happy, or successful, or any of those things, CJ.”

“Were you in love with each other?”

Another sip of coffee. Another long look, this time at her coffee mug, wrapped in her two hands. Finally, she said, “‘Love’ is a strong word, kiddo. Don’t believe everything Hannah says about it. You’re here, and I’m here, and we love each other, and that’s all that matters.”

She refused to say any more on the subject, and I never asked her about it again.

20

I KNOW THAT MY FATHER DOESN’T LOVE ME. That he doesn’t know I exist. I know that Mom has no idea where he is and no desire to find him, and I’ve learned to live with that.

But one thing I’ve never quite been able to let go of, despite how badly things could turn out, is the fantasy of finding him myself. I suppose I can blame Hannah and her stories for that. And now Owen and his death grip on happy endings for all.

“Aren’t you even a little curious about him?” he kept asking as we closed up the shop. Mrs. Ohara and Blake had been gone for hours, but he couldn’t stop talking about it.

“Of course I am,” I snapped at him. “But I told you it’s pointless.”

“Just ask,” said Owen as he locked the front door. “Maybe she’s been waiting for you to be old enough to handle it.”

“She’s still pissed at me for taking Hannah’s side about selling the shop. She’s not going to tell me anything.”

“It’s been two weeks. She can’t still be mad at you.”

I thought about it in the car on the way home, and all through dinner. It would be nice not to have half my entire family shrouded in mystery. It would be nice to know something about my dad. I bet it would help explain a lot about me and all the ways I’m different from Mom.

So after I finish helping Hannah with the dinner dishes and before I start my homework, I knock on Mom’s office door.

“What’s up, CJ?” Mom saves whatever she’s been working on, closes the laptop, and swivels around in her chair. “What do you need?”

She’s doesn’t seem angry. Maybe Owen was right.

I start with a long windup about the time when we went out to Tomi Sushi and I couldn’t handle the uni that she’d ordered for me. I’d reminded her that I’d tried it before and that I didn’t like it.