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Chapters (77)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part I
  6. 3
  7. The History of My Beef with Brynn Foer-Preston
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part I
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part I
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part II
  20. 13
  21. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part II
  22. 14
  23. 15
  24. 16
  25. 17
  26. 18
  27. 19
  28. The Complicated History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Imaginary Relationship with Her Nonexistent Dad
  29. 20
  30. 21
  31. 22
  32. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part III
  33. 23
  34. 24
  35. 25
  36. A Brief, Backward History of the McAllister Family, as Paraphrased from the San Jose Mercury News
  37. 26
  38. 27
  39. 28
  40. A Quick and Eerily Relevant History of Asians in America
  41. 29
  42. 30
  43. 31
  44. 32
  45. 33
  46. 34
  47. 35
  48. 36
  49. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part IV
  50. 37
  51. 38
  52. 39
  53. 40
  54. 41
  55. 42
  56. 43
  57. 44
  58. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part II (Or Maybe It’s a Prequel)
  59. 45
  60. 46
  61. 47
  62. 48
  63. 49
  64. 50
  65. 51
  66. 52
  67. 53
  68. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part III
  69. 54
  70. A Note from the Author
  71. Index of Flowers and their Meanings
  72. Acknowledgments
  73. About the Author
  74. Praise for This Time Will Be Different
  75. Books by Misa Sugiura
  76. Back Ad
  77. About the Publisher

Days passed, and I lived in a haze of low-key panic. Sometimes I thought I could actually feel the thing growing inside me, like an alien parasite. If I could have reached in and clawed it out with my own hands, I would have. I know I sound like a monster. But that’s how I felt.

When I finally told Andy, he said with obvious reluctance, “Of course, I’ll support you no matter what you choose,” and even though I knew I wanted an abortion, his hesitation filled me with disgust. We fought, and I broke up with him. He texted me that he could pay for half, if that’s what I wanted. Fuck you, I texted back. Thank God I wasn’t in love with him. Thank God I was ready to do this without him.

When I first got my period way back in seventh grade, Mom told me a story about the possible pitfalls that lay ahead, with herself as the main character. She was sad, she got shit-faced, she had sex, she got pregnant. Moral of the story: don’t have drunk and/or unprotected sex, or else.

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not going to go and get drunk and have sex. That’s just gross.”

“You better not, or there will be hell to pay, I can promise you that.”

“You had me, though.”

“I had you. That’s true. But I don’t want you to ever be in a position where you have to make that choice. So be smart.”

“But what if I want a baby?”

“Don’t get smart with me, CJ. You know what I mean.”

“You said to be smart, though.”

Then she put down the coffee cup that she was holding and said, “I’m not kidding, Ceej, this is serious. If you’re ever in a relationship, you need to keep your head on straight. You have to know that what a lot of people think is true love is mostly just hormones and infatuation, okay? True love is for fairy tales, so don’t sit around thinking it’s going to happen to you, because that’s what’ll fool you into doing all kinds of stupid things, and not just having sex and doing drugs. People move across the country, pass up career opportunities, allow themselves to be abused—all because they think they’re in love, or that someone is in love with them. Just focus on your own vision and your own success, and don’t fall for anyone just because they say they love you. Got it?”

“Got it.”

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