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Back This Time Will Be Different Save as PDF
Chapters (77)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part I
  6. 3
  7. The History of My Beef with Brynn Foer-Preston
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part I
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part I
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part II
  20. 13
  21. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part II
  22. 14
  23. 15
  24. 16
  25. 17
  26. 18
  27. 19
  28. The Complicated History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Imaginary Relationship with Her Nonexistent Dad
  29. 20
  30. 21
  31. 22
  32. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part III
  33. 23
  34. 24
  35. 25
  36. A Brief, Backward History of the McAllister Family, as Paraphrased from the San Jose Mercury News
  37. 26
  38. 27
  39. 28
  40. A Quick and Eerily Relevant History of Asians in America
  41. 29
  42. 30
  43. 31
  44. 32
  45. 33
  46. 34
  47. 35
  48. 36
  49. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part IV
  50. 37
  51. 38
  52. 39
  53. 40
  54. 41
  55. 42
  56. 43
  57. 44
  58. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part II (Or Maybe It’s a Prequel)
  59. 45
  60. 46
  61. 47
  62. 48
  63. 49
  64. 50
  65. 51
  66. 52
  67. 53
  68. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part III
  69. 54
  70. A Note from the Author
  71. Index of Flowers and their Meanings
  72. Acknowledgments
  73. About the Author
  74. Praise for This Time Will Be Different
  75. Books by Misa Sugiura
  76. Back Ad
  77. About the Publisher

Mom continues. “And I haven’t told anyone yet, but I’m thinking about starting my own micro-VC firm, specifically to fund women-owned and -run companies. Do you know how many start-ups get turned down solely because they’re run by women? Especially women of color. No one will ever admit that’s the reason, but it is. Once the sale goes through, Hannah will be taken care of, even if she never gets off her lazy ass for the rest of her life. And we’ll have a safety net if my firm fails.”

Now what? How am I supposed to stay angry at Mom for being a money-hungry sellout when she’s actually trying to start a rad feminist venture capital firm? Only—can you be a feminist if you play along and don’t complain about sexism and harassment and all of that? I poke the now flipped-over corner of the rug with my toe, trying to get it to flip back again.

Mom leans forward in her chair and says, “Please, CJ. I’m really impressed that you and your friends are taking this on. But it would mean a lot to me if you could come up with a compromise. Have a plaque dedicated to Motohara. Or have a page of your school website dedicated to him. Put it on Wikipedia. Something that doesn’t involve marching around screaming about Robert McAllister being a racist, because it’s so much more complicated than that. Okay? That way, the shit storm dies down, MVC can buy the property without a huge public outcry, and I get a chance to start something new.”

All I wanted was to work at Heart’s Desire. Why did things have to get so hard?

As if she can read my thoughts, she adds, “And you and Hannah will still be able to do your flower stuff on the side. I have to be in Denver for a conference next week during the school board meeting, so I’m trusting you to do what I’m asking. I know you can do it. Don’t let me down.”

The whole thing is falling apart anyway, I want to tell her. I may as well do what you want. But that feels like admitting defeat, like quitting, and if I quit, this will become just another one of CJ’s Many Failures. But if by some miracle I succeed—if I prevent the sale of Heart’s Desire, if this renaming thing goes through—I’ll be betraying Mom and crushing her dreams. No matter what I do, no matter what happens, I lose.

A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part IV

Day 60

Mom, who’d noticed me dragging myself around the house and not eating, took me to the doctor. I couldn’t think of a good way to say no.