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Back This Time Will Be Different Save as PDF
Chapters (77)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part I
  6. 3
  7. The History of My Beef with Brynn Foer-Preston
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part I
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part I
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part II
  20. 13
  21. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part II
  22. 14
  23. 15
  24. 16
  25. 17
  26. 18
  27. 19
  28. The Complicated History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Imaginary Relationship with Her Nonexistent Dad
  29. 20
  30. 21
  31. 22
  32. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part III
  33. 23
  34. 24
  35. 25
  36. A Brief, Backward History of the McAllister Family, as Paraphrased from the San Jose Mercury News
  37. 26
  38. 27
  39. 28
  40. A Quick and Eerily Relevant History of Asians in America
  41. 29
  42. 30
  43. 31
  44. 32
  45. 33
  46. 34
  47. 35
  48. 36
  49. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part IV
  50. 37
  51. 38
  52. 39
  53. 40
  54. 41
  55. 42
  56. 43
  57. 44
  58. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part II (Or Maybe It’s a Prequel)
  59. 45
  60. 46
  61. 47
  62. 48
  63. 49
  64. 50
  65. 51
  66. 52
  67. 53
  68. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part III
  69. 54
  70. A Note from the Author
  71. Index of Flowers and their Meanings
  72. Acknowledgments
  73. About the Author
  74. Praise for This Time Will Be Different
  75. Books by Misa Sugiura
  76. Back Ad
  77. About the Publisher

I also did not mean to end up on the couch with Mom, eating ice cream and binge-watching nineties sitcoms. I meant to keep hating her forever. But at seven o’clock, I was done designing flyers, I had liked everything on my Instagram and Snapchat, and I’d watched YouTube until I could actually feel my brain frying, sizzling gently around the edges. I went to the kitchen to get a bowl of ice cream, and while I was there, Mom called me from the family room.

I am proactivating a plan to save Heart’s Desire, rename my school, and bring you and McAllister down, I wanted to say. But it felt too rude to refuse to bring her a bowl of ice cream, especially since she’d brought home a pint of my favorite flavor (chocolate malt) from Tin Pot. She hates chocolate malt. But there was a pint of raspberry sorbet for her sitting next to it, so I scooped some into a bowl and brought it to her.

“Sit down with me, Ceej,” she said, and patted the cushion next to her. And now I have become one with the couch as Mom and I watch six white twentysomethings in New York City drink coffee and have hilarious misunderstandings.

I can see why this is Mom’s second favorite de-stressing activity after running on the treadmill. Everyone is beautiful and thin and well dressed. There’s a joke for nearly every situation. Even when things go horribly awry, you know it will all work out in the end. No conflict goes unresolved, no resentment unraveled, no transgression unforgiven.

I wish our lives could be like that show. I wish I could be certain that we could save the store, that Mom and Hannah would forgive each other, that I’d find a way to make Mom proud of me. I wish I could talk to her about it without it turning into a fight.

I giggle at something on the screen, and Mom looks at me and smiles. And I know that Mom’s happy that I’m here, now, on the couch with her. It’s like we’ve never fought about anything in our lives. I wish we could stay in this moment forever, all the ways we’ve hurt each other forgotten, all our future mistakes blown away on a puff of air before we make them. I wish, I wish, I wish.

33

IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY, AND BUSINESS IS BOOMING. Or should I say blooming, ha ha.

I, on the other hand, am wilting from exhaustion.

I was up until two o’clock this morning helping Hannah with arrangements and bouquets for Heart’s Desire and for school, and then back up again at four o’clock.