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Back This Time Will Be Different Save as PDF
Chapters (77)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part I
  6. 3
  7. The History of My Beef with Brynn Foer-Preston
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part I
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part I
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part II
  20. 13
  21. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part II
  22. 14
  23. 15
  24. 16
  25. 17
  26. 18
  27. 19
  28. The Complicated History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Imaginary Relationship with Her Nonexistent Dad
  29. 20
  30. 21
  31. 22
  32. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part III
  33. 23
  34. 24
  35. 25
  36. A Brief, Backward History of the McAllister Family, as Paraphrased from the San Jose Mercury News
  37. 26
  38. 27
  39. 28
  40. A Quick and Eerily Relevant History of Asians in America
  41. 29
  42. 30
  43. 31
  44. 32
  45. 33
  46. 34
  47. 35
  48. 36
  49. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part IV
  50. 37
  51. 38
  52. 39
  53. 40
  54. 41
  55. 42
  56. 43
  57. 44
  58. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part II (Or Maybe It’s a Prequel)
  59. 45
  60. 46
  61. 47
  62. 48
  63. 49
  64. 50
  65. 51
  66. 52
  67. 53
  68. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part III
  69. 54
  70. A Note from the Author
  71. Index of Flowers and their Meanings
  72. Acknowledgments
  73. About the Author
  74. Praise for This Time Will Be Different
  75. Books by Misa Sugiura
  76. Back Ad
  77. About the Publisher

I should have looked her right in her craven, panic-stricken eyes and said, No, but I’m pretty sure you are. The best I could do was, “No. Jeez. Anyway, it’s not a big deal. You can be friends with a gay person and not be gay, you know. It’s not like they’re vampires. They’re not out to get people.”

Someone quipped, “Yeah, but I’m not taking that risk,” and Brynn laughed along with everyone else. I should have said more. I should have said, Good, because you’d be a shitty friend, anyway. Instead, I chickened out and went back to my book, furious with myself for not having the courage I needed to face them down. But at least I hadn’t totally betrayed Emily like Brynn had.

That afternoon, Brynn texted Emily that she thought maybe they should cool it. I don’t think it’s going to work out, she wrote. Sry image

Meanwhile, Brynn texted me not to tell anyone, not even Emily, what had happened in homeroom that day. She said she’d deny it if I did and her friends would back her up. As if I could ever tell Em that on top of this mysterious breakup, Brynn had laughed at her—and encouraged others to laugh at her—behind her back. It would have broken her.

Brynn didn’t speak to me or Emily for the rest of the year. Which was fine with me. I wanted her as far away from us as possible.

Then—get this—freshman year—the very next year—Brynn announced that she was gay, and suddenly the entire homophobia squad thought it was cool to have a queer friend, though of course no one apologized to Em. At the end of sophomore year, Brynn became president of the Queer Straight Alliance, and has yet to apologize, thereby securing her spot at the top of my shit list until the end of time.

4

EM GOES BACK TO THE KITCHEN, AND I TAKE MY time finishing my croissant and my coffee. I’m just getting up to leave when the front door of the bakery opens, and who should add himself to the back of the line but Shane Morgan.

In September, the San Jose Mercury News did a feature on Shane, who appeared on the front page of the sports section clad in nothing but a Speedo and a smile to make the angels sing. He was standing on a pool deck with a water polo ball in one upturned palm and a MacBook in the other, to symbolize how he was equally great at sports and school, and also he was balancing them both literally and figuratively. (Okay, maybe I should have applied for AP English.)