‘It can be a bit like that.’ She hesitates, her face seeming too close. ‘I don’t much like it, either, if I’m honest. You’d be surprised what people say sometimes.’

‘I don’t think I would.’ My expectations of human nature are not high. ‘I try to stay away from most of the gossip.’

‘It isn’t so easy in here.’ Stephanie’s voice is flat. ‘People come in and like to make out that their lives are perfect, when I happen to know that most of them are not. But then …’ She pauses. ‘Most of us don’t want the world to know about the less-than-perfect parts of ourselves – or our lives. By the time you reach our age, you become expert at hiding them, don’t you?’

As our eyes meet in the mirror, a slight frown crosses her face and I wonder if she’s talking about herself or me. ‘Is everything OK?’

‘No different to any other family with a wayward teenaged daughter!’ She pretends to make light of it, but a worried look crosses her face. ‘Not always easy, is it?’

‘No.’ I’ve often wondered how Hollie felt about her father remarrying so soon after they’d lost her mother. On the brink of asking Stephanie if she’s heard any rumours about Andrew, I change my mind. As it always does, fear gets in my way that it would get back to him.

*

I rarely sleep well and after an early start yesterday for work, I’m exhausted when my alarm goes off on Wednesday morning. The room is in darkness and Andrew doesn’t stir as I shower and dress. I wonder how it feels to have no conscience. Pulling a cardigan on over my uniform, I tiptoe downstairs, glancing towards Niamh’s room, hoping I haven’t disturbed her.

In the kitchen, I glance at the clock. It’s nearly six, giving me time to make a mug of tea and a bowl of muesli, a tenuous layer of peace settling around me that comes from the certainty that it’s too early to be interrupted by Andrew. Unable to stop my mind from wandering, I imagine how different this house would be, how free my life would feel, without him.

Having finished my muesli, I check my schedule on my phone. I’m rostered on a flight to Athens. At this time of year, it should be an easy day with only a few passengers, on their way to a beautiful place where the winter sun shines, where life could be so different. A yearning fills me to be free of my life here – of Andrew – followed by a grim determination. I need to get through these intolerable years and let Niamh grow up, while doing my best to mute the effect her father has on her.