It always went like this, ever since the accident—not that they knew about the accident. They knew something, maybe. They knew that I didn’t come home anymore, that I dodged their calls, but they didn’t know why. Dad thought I was on drugs. Ice and heroin and benzos, with a side of ecstasy and bulbs. Maybe ketamine. Whatever was in the news that week. I wanted to tell him I wasn’t, but it was easier not to.

‘… just don’t want to get stuck there like we did last year. That hotel the insurance company put us up in was disgusting. Didn’t even have a pool and the bar didn’t sell spirits, remember?’

I didn’t know how long I’d been staring at the pepper shaker in the middle of the table, but it was shiny and my eyes clung to it, stuck fast. I blinked, trying to catch the conversation.

‘Are you going somewhere?’ I asked.

Mum looked at me, exhaled in a heave that made her entire chest fall. ‘Yes, Caitlin.’

I stared at her. When I was little, people used to say we looked alike but now you’d be hard-pressed to see the resemblance. She was bigger in every way, years of boxed white wine and desk jobs filling out her torso and plumping her cheeks. Her hair was cut into the customary style of the mid-fifties set, dyed into something that was supposed to look natural but was too blocky, too many shades of copper and gold and ash. Her eyes were frowning at me but her forehead hadn’t moved, and I wondered if she’d had her botox topped up recently.

‘Oh,’ I said, ignoring her tone, forcing myself to sound pleasant and interested, pulling out my ponytail and putting the elastic band between my teeth as I re-did it. ‘Where?’

Mum frowned at my mouth, at me. ‘Bali, Cait. For the wedding.’

I went cold, twisting my hair tightly and biting on the band so I wouldn’t have to say anything.

‘I can’t believe you didn’t tell us Lina was engaged. We had to find out on Facebook.’

I took the elastic out of my mouth and put it back in my hair, waiting.

A plate of food was dropped in front of me, too loudly, the smell of bacon too overwhelming. Another waitress put my coffee down and I picked it up, drinking half of it in one go.

‘I thought Jenny would tell you,’ I said. Jenny was Lina’s mum. She didn’t live next door anymore but she still spoke to Mum all the time, at least as far as I knew.

‘It’s so exciting, isn’t it?’ Mum cooed over her annoyance. ‘And the resort’s meant to be amazing. Lina’s got such good taste, and it’s lucky Matt has that nice job, isn’t it?’