I’d stopped walking. Somewhere, there were voices. Other people. Somewhere far away. One laughed. It felt too close, too mean.

My chest hurt. Glass there too. Burning.

So much glitter.

24 TUESDAY, AUGUST

24

TUESDAY, AUGUST

‘Have you guys ever heard of carbon monoxide poisoning?’

Geoff was sitting forward, elbows on his knees, looking at each of us intently, one by one, making sure we were listening.

When it was my turn I’d looked away, straightened my fingers in the pockets of my hoodie, tips straining the fabric. We’d done this before. Months ago.

Tom had the night off and I’d been so close to staying home with him. A part of me wished I had. I could have told him Lina was fine. Or that she was sick, that she had to work. Something. Anything. Just one time.

But I had to be careful.

Everything was strange. I had been trying to fix it but since the night at the casino everything was different. Harder. Tom was the same. He felt the same, looked the same, but sometimes when I looked at him I felt cold, like I had the flu, the bad kind.

I had to be careful. I was being careful.

‘I was up late the other night and I found this amazing thread on Reddit, where this guy was convinced his landlord was plotting against him. Someone suggested he might have been hallucinating due to a carbon monoxide leak in his apartment. Ended up being right and saving his life. It got me thinking …’

‘I read that!’ Louise exclaimed, so loudly it made me jump in my seat. ‘I know Reddit has a terrible reputation but that was amazing.’

‘Hi,’ a familiar voice said from the doorway, shaky and small. ‘Sorry I’m late.’

I turned.

Frannie walked in, pale, her eyes like saucers as she found an empty seat and sat down. She put her hands in her lap and her jacket rode up, and I saw thick white bandages around her wrists.

My breath caught, shook.

The room started to spin around her and I could feel my ribs closing around my lungs, so tight it was terrifying.

My mum’s sick.

Is she going to die?

Abraham shifted in his seat. He’d seen the bandages too.

My eyes found his and I begged him silently to fix it, to make it not real. He was the professional, I thought, as he frowned and looked away. It was his job to fix this. To fix us. That was why we were here.

‘Sorry I’m late,’ she said again.

‘It’s fine,’ someone murmured.

‘Welcome.’

‘Hi, Fran.’

All the voices blended into one, and then stopped. Someone started talking, stopped. Someone else.

I felt myself falling. That smell. Hot and sour.

My mum’s sick.

‘I’m not crazy,’ Frannie said suddenly.

I couldn’t look at her. I could smell it, from across the room.