‘And with Lina, after Jenny, the way you tried to look after her, the way you worried about her. But at the same time you … I don’t know. I tried to tell myself I was imagining it. Putting my neuroses on to you, your mum said one time. Easier to think you’re crazy than your daughter—’

‘Dad.’ I put out a hand. We weren’t huggers, but he took it, and pulled me in until my head found his shoulder. I felt like a little kid. ‘It’s not your fault.’

‘Lina told us about the accident,’ he said. ‘You could have told us yourself, you know? But I get why you didn’t. I probably wouldn’t have let you get in a car ever again.’

I laughed, but it was wet, through tears.

‘Your mum would have told you you were fine, and to get on with it. She’s different. I think that’s a good thing,’ he added. It reminded me of someone else.

‘Yeah.’

‘She didn’t really want to talk about it. I think she still doesn’t. She doesn’t get it, not really.’

‘I know.’ I pulled away.

‘But she loves you. She does. She always has.’

I nodded. I knew that too.

‘You okay, sweet?’

‘Yeah,’ I said. I felt tears spill down my face, but I was smiling. ‘Yeah, Dad. Thank you.’

31 THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER

31

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER

‘I found her.’

Georgia straightened in her seat, looked at me in surprise.

‘Who?’ she asked. ‘Jenny?’

I nodded. Georgia’s shoes were purple, patent leather with three silver buckles up the side.

We hadn’t been talking about Jenny. We’d been talking about fear, about how it was our brain’s way of protecting us from threats, and it had sparked something in me.

‘I thought she was dead.’ I closed my eyes, remembering. I hated thinking about that day, about how I’d felt when I saw her. Scared—more than scared. My blood had gone cold and a shock of terror had bolted up my spine.

My mum’s sick.

Is she going to die?

‘That would have been awful for you.’

I shrugged. A familiar shrug, brushing off her words. Brushing off the memory. I didn’t know why I’d brought it up now. ‘It was worse for Lina. It was her mum. She was so upset. She was screaming and crying and begging me to help her.’

‘And you did.’

‘I tried to.’

Georgia paused. Studying me. ‘What about you? Were you upset?’

‘Of course. It was horrible.’ I felt cold. ‘But it was worse for her.’

‘Caitlin.’

‘What?’ But I knew, and she knew I knew, because she didn’t say anything, just tapped her notepad with her pen. She did that while she was waiting for me to get to the point. It was one of her tells.