‘You’re so …’ She shook her head. ‘I always forget how skinny you are.’ And the way she said it made me put the dress back, embarrassed.

Later, before work, I looked at myself in the mirror for a long time as I got dressed. I smoothed down my work shirt and tried not to think about the ridges of my ribs. I was sleeping now, eating now. Things had been rough for a little while there but they were better now. There was nothing wrong with me, nothing wrong with my body. I thought of how Tom told me I was beautiful, how he kissed his way down my stomach sometimes, and I shivered. He was a doctor and he didn’t think there was anything wrong. I was fine.

AUGUST, ONCE

AUGUST, ONCE

‘Caitie!’ Lina flung her arms around me, her smile wide, eyes glassy. ‘You made it.’

I hugged her back. She felt unexpectedly fragile. ‘Of course,’ I said, letting go. ‘I said I would.’

‘I know, but I haven’t seen you in ages!’

‘We had coffee last week.’

She laughed. She was drunk, I could tell. ‘For all of fifteen minutes. You’re so busy and important. How did your presentation go? Did they love you?’

It took me a moment to remember what she was talking about. There hadn’t been a presentation, but coffee had been awkward so I’d made something up. ‘Obviously,’ I said, forcing a smile. ‘It went well. Sorry I had to run off. Annaliese is in total boss mode at the moment.’

Annaliese was anything but. She’d just taken a week off to go to a health retreat near Byron and the other day she’d left a New York City guide on my desk, wrapped in a piece of gold ribbon with a bow.

Lina made a face. ‘God, I know the feeling.’ She curled her hands around my arm, started leading me through the crowded bar to the courtyard. ‘I’m glad it went well, though. I knew it would. You’re my smartest friend.’

I rolled my eyes. ‘Right, Leen.’

We stepped out of the bar and into an equally packed courtyard, loud and smoky. So smoky. Eight weeks. The cravings were supposed to be easing off but they were just getting worse. We passed a guy holding a cigarette and a bottle of beer and my eyes stuck. He wasn’t my type at all—longish hair, old band t-shirt, probably a tradie, from the roughness of his hands—but when he lifted the cigarette to his mouth and took a drag it was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen and it was only Lina still holding on to my arm and leading me to the back of the courtyard that stopped me from walking over and grabbing him. I was almost grateful when he disappeared, and I dropped my gaze to the pavers, deciding that was safer. ‘I need a drink.’