Only I didn’t have that will. I didn’t want it to end. Not now. My body pushed towards the surface. The shape was still there. Maybe closer this time. My name. Again. Louder. So familiar my whole stomach came alight. Not real. Couldn’t be real.

‘Cait.’

I blinked. My eyes stung. Sunlight and salt and tears. Tried not to react. I was just hearing things, imagining things. It was just the hangover, doing strange things to my head.

‘Caitlin.’

Everything felt so real. When I got out of the pool the concrete was warm under my feet, the smell of the ocean and the flowers, the sound of birds, animals, low voices of strangers talking, all real. Couldn’t be real.

I walked to the spot where I’d left my towel and wrapped it around myself. The sun lounger was cold and hard under my thighs, my hair wet on my shoulders. Real.

Footsteps. A body. Next to me. Sitting. Not too close. Dark jeans, ancient trainers, bare arms.

‘You’re overdressed,’ I said, staring at the trainers. ‘It’s going to get really hot today.’

I was talking to someone who wasn’t there. Lina was wrong. Georgia was wrong. Everyone was wrong. I wasn’t getting better at all. I was going completely and utterly insane.

A sigh. ‘I know. I miscalculated.’

His voice was like honey. Like sugar. Like arsenic.

He laughed. It made me ache. ‘I packed shorts. Don’t worry.’

‘How did you know where I was?’

‘I found the invitation a couple of months ago. It had fallen down behind your—my bedside table.’

I made a sound. I hadn’t even realised I’d lost it.

‘How did you know I’d come? I nearly didn’t.’

A shrug. ‘I had faith in you.’

My breath caught, hard.

‘And I RSVPed,’ he said. ‘Sort of.’

Harder.

‘I’m sorry,’ he added, before I could say anything. ‘I probably shouldn’t have. I just wanted to know you were okay but I didn’t want to upset you or intrude or … and Lina’s email address was on the invitation. And then I got your message.’ I blinked. I’d nearly forgotten about that message. Sometimes I managed to convince myself I hadn’t sent it at all. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t reply. I didn’t know how.’

‘It’s okay,’ I said, when I found my voice.

He shifted. ‘Lina’s nice.’

‘You’ve met her?’

‘Not in person, but we’ve emailed. She adores you.’

‘I know.’

We sat in silence, listening to the birds and staring at my feet. I felt as awake as I had in weeks but he was still there, elbows on his knees, those same trainers. I could hear him breathing. I could smell him, feel the heat coming off him. Not real. Not real. Not real.

‘This is ridiculous,’ I said finally, still looking at my toes, my feet.

‘What?’