‘You’re not here. This is a dream.’

‘Cait.’

‘A silly, stupid dream and if I look at you I’m going to wake up.’ My voice cracked. I’d had this dream so many times, but it had never felt like this. I’d never been so aware of it.

‘Try it.’

I shook my head, terrified. ‘No.’

‘Come on.’

‘I don’t want to.’ My voice was tiny. I did. So much.

‘Please. Look at me, Cait.’

I turned my head. His face was tilted towards me and our eyes locked and he was so real I couldn’t breathe.

‘What are you doing here, Tom?’ I asked softly. Everything was shaking.

He sighed, didn’t answer for a while. Then: ‘I said I’d come.’ A long pause. ‘I wanted to come.’

Wanted.

He moved, and for a second I thought he was going to hug me and I was going to push him away, but he didn’t. He cleared his throat, straightened his legs, put his hands down in his lap, knotting his fingers together. Reset.

‘This is nice,’ he said tentatively. ‘This place.’

I looked around. Palm trees. Flowers. Paradise. ‘Yeah.’

‘Are you doing anything today?’

I bit my lip.

‘We should do something. If you’re free.’ His voice was light but there was an edge to it. A tremble. ‘And if you want to. It’s okay, if you don’t. There’s a tour to the monkey retreat I can …’

‘No.’ A part of me wanted to run away, to hide, but the rest of me was alight. The thing in my stomach had caught, and I could feel it everywhere. ‘No organised tours,’ I said. ‘I know how much you hate them.’

His whole body seemed to relax.

‘I just—I need to shower and get dressed.’

‘Okay.’

‘And you need to put on shorts.’

He laughed. ‘Deal.’

I spent longer than I needed to in the shower, giving him time to change his mind and leave. To disappear, because he’d never been here at all. I washed my hair twice, brushed my teeth for an age. The water cooled and I barely noticed because I was so warm. I put on a sundress, one that I’d bought with Lina the week before, stared at myself in the mirror for what felt like a year, not really knowing what I was looking for. Or at. I looked the same as I always did. Still not ready. But maybe—

When I came out of my villa, Tom was sitting on my verandah in shorts and thongs, and it was so unexpected it made me laugh, and when I did he looked at me, and I forced myself to look back at him, to smile. He made me weak, still.

‘Sorry I took so long,’ I said.

‘It’s okay.’

‘Okay,’ I repeated, needing to look away.