“Why are we talking about boys instead of doing debate prep?”

“Do you have something against talking about boys?”

“You know I don’t,” I say pointedly, almost giving voice to the thing that she’s been talking around.

“Then what’s the problem?” She asks it like I’m being ridiculous. There’s a very real chance that I am.

“I don’t know, we’ve just never talked like this before. I’m not just all of a sudden gonna be your gay bestie.” I wince the moment I say it.

“No one’s asking you to be, Adam,” she says defensively. “I’m just trying to be nice. You know, get to know each other a little.”

“But why?” I feel like we’re speaking two completely different languages.

“Because this is the first time we’ve spent any time together in three years and you’ve been in every single one of my classes and we’re constantly competing for the top spot in those classes so it seems like maybe we might have some stuff in common?” she says in one breath, exasperated. She isn’t looking at me and her face is red.

“Oh.”

“What, have you never talked to any of your other debate partners about non-debate stuff?” she asks, sneaking a look at me.

“Um, no.” I think back on other debate study sessions and realize there haven’t been many. “Mostly I just do all the work and then tell everybody what part of the debate they’re taking.”

Caitlin slumps.

“Yeah. Me too,” she says, moping. “I thought I’d try something different.”

“Sorry I was such a weird asshole about it,” I say.

“It’s okay,” she says with a laugh. Dimples appear on her cheeks and my stomach turns over at the mental image of her and Caleb both laughing prettily at a dance.

“And hey, you were right,” I concede, shaking the jealousy as best I can. “We do have something in common. We’re always the ones doing all the work for group projects.”

“Very true.” She nods. “I think this’ll be different.” She smiles at me again like we understand each other. What a novel thought.

“Yeah,” I agree halfheartedly. I don’t have any illusions that I’m suddenly going to become best friends with Caitlin, though thinking about it does spark a little hopefulness in me. I can’t think of the last time I made a real friend. But I have no idea how to do this.

Apparently, Caitlin does, and is not done with the heart-to-heart portion of this program.

“I really wasn’t trying to, you know … girl talk with you or anything.” Caitlin rolls her eyes at her own choice of words. “I just don’t see the point in spending any amount of time with someone and not learning anything about who they are.”

I see the earnestness in her eyes and give her a small smile.